King: Welcome to the "Astorian Fish Gut Grab".
(People cheer in excitement).
King: Every year, I bring good luck to our fishing season by searching for a worm in a tub of disgusting fish guts.
(People cheer in excitement).
Arc: Oh, that's why it smells like an ocean's butt!
Ciara: (laughing) The king always pukes before he finds the worm. It's hilarious!
King: I'm sure you'll all eager to watch me barf.
(People cheer at the King's response)
King: But it doesn't matter what you want. I'm the king. So I'll be digging a gummy worm out of pudding instead.
(People booing at the King's response)
Arc: (disappointed tone) No puking? Of course this happens the year I show up.
King: Take these guts away and fetch my pudding tub.
The assistants carry the tub of pudding and leave with it.
Prudence: If he's not heaving, this giant's leaving.
Warwick: Me, too. The new "Combat Cards" are coming out today at the "Tasty Trunk".
Ciara: Combat Cards? The last time you guys played that game, you got into a huge fight.
Arc: Yeah, I heard about that. The back of the castle still has a Warwick-shaped hole.
Warwick: My bones healed, and so did our friendship.
Prudence: See, our mistake was playing against each other, so we agreed to never do that again.
Warwick: More than agree, we made a Phoenix swear.
Warwick and Prudence joined hands together, waved them in a flapping-bird motion.
Warwick and Prudence: Phoenix swear! (echo) Swear, swear, swear, swear.
Arc: Do you Phoenix swear never to do that again?
Prudence: Come on, Friend. Let's go enjoy an afternoon destroying other people.
Warwick: Or, we can take the shortcut through the Warwick-shaped hole.
King: Ah! (Chuckles) The pudding has arrived. Behold the sweet and delicious...
One of the King's assistants lifts the cover off the tub, only to find the tub being filled with rice pudding.
King: Rice pudding? That's like the fish guts of pudding. (cries out) Princess?! I need you to dig through this yucky pudding.
Ciara drags Arc away from the festivities.
Ciara: I can't put my hands in that pudding.
Arc: Of course not. You need a pudding straw.
Ciara: (worried) If I dig through that slimy stuff, I could lose my pixie ring. Arc, that cannot happen!
Arc: Are you asking me to hold your magic ring? Because, uh, (yells) YEAH!
King: Princess? (feels sick to his stomach) Oh, no. It's happening.
(People cheer in anticipation).
Ciara walks offscreen. After touching her ring, (SFX: Magic whooshing) she re-emerges as the Princess, wearing a blue gown. [EDITOR'S NOTE: Ciara, while in her princess form after touching the ring, will now on just be referred to as "Princess"]
King: What is wrong with you people?
Princess: (holding the ring) There's no time to explain. But whatever you do, don't use the ring.
Got it?
Arc: Got it. Just go.
The Princess walks off.
Arc: (holds the ring) Well, well, well. What do we have--
Princess walks back.
Princess: Don't even think about it!
Princess walks back out.
Arc: You don't know me!
Arc turns to the ring he's holding in his hand.
Arc: She knows me.
***
When Prudy sets her Combat Card down on the table, the character on the card, Jenny the Giant magically appears on top of the card.
Jenny the Giant: (yells)
Then her partner sets his card on the table. His card's character, a small man wearing armor wielding a battle axe, known as a battle gnome magically appears on top of his card.
Battle Gnome: (grunts) Hyah!
Prudence: A battle gnome? Ha! That's no match for Jenny the Giant's hammer smash.
The Jenny the Giant character smacks the battle gnome in the groin. Then the battle gnome knocks down Jenny. The battle gnome makes a victory pose.
Prudence: Oh, come on! Get it together, Jenny!
The characters disappear from the cards.
At the table behind Prudence, Warwick is also playing Combat Cards. His partner sets her Combat Card down on the table and the character on her card, a mermaid magically appears on top of the card.
Warwick: All right, Mermaid. Say hello to Willy the Wizard.
Warwick sets his Combat Card down on the table and the character on his card, a wizard named Willy magically appears on top of the card.
Willy sets off a magic blast from his hand. As he shoots, the mermaid hits it. After it bounces off the tail, it knocks Willy out. The mermaid finishes off the battle with her tail hitting Willy before the characters disappear off their cards.
Warwick: (groaning) Why, Willy, why? (turns to Prudence) My lousy cards lose every time.
Prudence: I hear ya. (to her cards) I'm gonna shuffle the snot out of you!
Sir Gareth walks in.
Sir Gareth: Welcome, nerds! I know you're all here for the release of the newest line of Combat Cards. But we have a very special surprise.
The Tasty Trunk was filled with oohs.
Sir Gareth: One of these packs contains the exclusive, unbeatable, two-handed Sir Gareth card.
He hands three packs to three tables.
All: Wow!
Sir Gareth: Yeah, I know. Back in the day, I used one hand for slaying dragons and one hand for fighting off the ladies.
Warwick: An unbeatable combat card? Prudy, if one of us gets that, we could actually win.
Prudence: Oh, man. I just know we're gonna get it!
Cut to the table behind Warwick. Sitting there were Sage and Buttercup, from Phoenix Squad's rivals, the Kraken Squad.
Buttercup: (excited gasping) I got it!
The guests rush to the table. Buttercup sets the Combat Card down on the table and a long-haired Sir Gareth magically appears on top of the card.
Buttercup: Look, it's Sir Gareth before life broke him! (giggles)
Sage: And before Tammy the Tiny yanked his hair out. (She and Sir Gareth chuckle)
Sir Gareth: It took me 10 years to grow it. And it took her 10 seconds to rip it from my scalp.
Prudence: Buttercup, can I please hold the card?
Buttercup nods her head. As Prudy tries to get the card, Sage stops her.
Sage: No! You cannot hold anything. You'll get your loser juice all over it.
Warwick: What about me?
Sage: You are even juicier. Now scram!
Warwick and Prudy leave. The long-haired Sir Gareth disappears from the card. A smiling Buttercup picks up the card.
Sage: Did you see that?
Buttercup: (happy-sounding voice) Yeah. Prudy got a new vest! It's adorable.
Sage: No, Prudence and Warwick can't keep their eyes off this card.
Buttercup: You think so?
Sage points to the window. Buttercup turns her head.
Cut to Warwick and Prudy looking out the window, listening to Buttercup and Sage's conversation.
(Back with Buttercup and Sage)
Sage: Don't you remember the last time those two played each other in Combat Cards?
Buttercup: (giggly) No. But I remember to not look up when it's raining so water doesn't get up my nose. (giggles)
Sage: They got into a fight. We can use this card to get them fighting again and split the Phoenix Squad apart.
Buttercup moans sadly.
Sage: No, no, no, it's a good thing.
Buttercup: Oh, then yay!
The girls walk out.
***
Princess: I can't find the worm! (retching) And this pudding's so warm and chunky! (retches again)
King: I see why this is so funny now. Hey, everyone, look! She's gonna barf! (pretends to gag)
Everyone cheers.
Princess: What is wrong with you people?
Cut to Arc with the ring.
Arc: If you press the ring, Ciara will be mad. But if you don't press the ring, you'll never know what awesome thing you could turn into.
Arc's conscience appears inside a thought cloud. He is dressed as a king.
Arc's Conscience: (in a British accent) I say, "tisn't" it obvious, you silly bloke?
Arc: Whoa, the ring's so powerful, it gave my imagination a fancy accent.
Arc's Conscience: Oh, indeedly do. Now, if the ring turns the princess into Ciara, it'll turn-
Arc: (finishing the sentence) Me into a prince.
Arc's Conscience: Oh, that's using your bean, old boy. Now, push that rrring like a boss!
Arc: You really think I should do it, Your Handsome Highness?
Arc's Conscience: How could listening to me go wrong? I'm imaginary!
Arc: Okay, I'm gonna do it.
Arc's conscience disappears. Arc puts his finger on the ring.
(SFX: magic tinkle, zapping)
After Arc touches the ring, he realizes that he has a pig's nose, his hair is messy, he has horns and pointier ears, and he is dressed in a dirty, used outfit.
Arc: What the heck? I'm a monster!
Arc stares at the ring.
Arc: Very funny, ring. Now it's time to prince it up.
Arc puts his finger on the ring.
(SFX: magic zapping, sputtering)
After Arc touches the ring, nothing happens. The ring shoots out sparks, and then smoke flows out.
Arc: The ring's not working?
Arc's conscience reappears, drinking a cup of tea. As he turns to look at Arc's horrifying state, he spits out the tea.
Arc's Conscience: Oh, no! Bangers and mash, you're horrifying!
Arc's conscience runs away, shrieking.
Cut to Arc, turning to the camera with a worried look on his face.
***
Opening Credits
***
Scene opens up in the squad room. The Princess opens the secret door by the bookcase.
Princess: Arc? Arc, I need my ring. Where are you?
Arc comes out of the wall.
Arc: I'm here.
Princess: Oh, good. Where's my ring?
The Princess turns her head to see Arc's current state and she screams.
Princess: Monster! (smacks Arc in the groin)
Arc: No, no, no! It's me! Remember? Arc? The one who knows your secret? (turns around to find out he has a tail.) And has a tail?
Princess: You used the ring? How could you be so selfish? I asked you to do one thing for me.
Arc: I know. Then I did something for me instead.
Princess: The ring has a security feature. If anyone besides me uses it, it stops working and turns 'em into a.... I wanna say, monkey pig?
Arc: Why didn't you tell me this would happen?
Princess: Remember when I told you I didn't have time to explain? That's the part I didn't have time to explain!
Arc: Oh, so this is your fault.
Princess: Without the ring, I can't become Ciara. I'll never be able to go to knight school again.
Arc: Uh, hello! Slightly worse problem.
Princess: My ring came from the Pixie Crystal River. Maybe someone there can help.
Arc: I know how to get there. I passed through on my way from Seagate. (oinks) Oh, no. I'm oinking.
Princess: Let's get to the river. Maybe someone could fix my ring.
Arc: Uh, and fix me?
Princess: Yeah, sure. If we have time.
***
Warwick: Whoa, the Sir Gareth combat card.
Prudence: Buttercup, you let her hold it?
Buttercup: We're using it to get you two to fight.
Sage: Fight your way out of the slump you're in.
Buttercup: That's probably what I meant to say.
Buttercup skips off.
Sage: So, Buttercup asked me to decide which one of you to give this card to.
Warwick and Prudence raise their hands.
Warwick and Prudence: I'll take it!
Sage: Ooh, this is so hard.
Prudence: No, it's not. Give it to me!
Warwick: Or better yet, give it to me.
Prudence: Wait a second, we made a Phoenix swear not to fight each other.
Warwick: Yeah, you're right.
Sage: Ooh, a Phoenix swear? That sounds super unbreakable. I guess, I'll have to find a different home for this little guy, since none of you will ever, ever, ever want it.
Sage walks away.
Warwick: Let's get out of here. Our Phoenix swear is more important than some amazing life-changing card.
Prudence: I mean, who needs that card when I could have nothing instead?
They walk out, while Sage gives them a menacing look.
Setting: Pixie Crystal River.
Arc and the Princess walks in.
Princess: It's beautiful.
Arc: My tail? Yeah, I'm starting to think so, too.
The Princess and Arc walk across the Pixie Crystal River.
Princess: Okay. We have to convince the Pixie Queen to help us or we're stuck like this forever.
Arc: Okay.
The Pixie Queen flies in as a ray of light.
Pixie Queen: Greetings, fellow travelers. Oops, hold on.
The Pixie Queen transforms into her full human form.
Pixie Queen: Oh, my stars and moonbeams! Welcome to the Pixie Crystal River, Astorian Princess and her... pet.
Arc: I am not her pet.
Princess: Sorry. He thinks he's people. (tickles Arc's head) Who's my little monkey pig? You are!
The Princess turns to the Pixie Queen.
Princess: Pixie Queen, we've come to beg for your help.
Pixie Queen: There's no begging here. We only accept smiles, hugs and laughter. (laughs)
The Princess and the Pixie Queen both laugh together. Arc does stilted, unenthusiastic laughter.
Princess: Thank you. This selfish flea-bag broke my ring.
Arc: Hey! I do not have fleas.
Arc scratches his neck.
Arc: Dang it, I have fleas.
Pixie Queen: Once I repair your ring's crystal, you'll be pretty as a princess. And you, well, miracles happen.
The Pixie Queen points her wand at the ring and does magic.
Princess: Your Highness, Arc and I are so grateful.
The Pixie Queen stops to look at the two, with a very intimidating look on her face.
Pixie Queen: Did you just call him "Arc"?
Arc: I heard Horatio. Horatio, the handsome and loyal pet.
Pixie Queen: Talking about how handsome you are? Definitely Arc.
Princess: Wait, you know him?
Pixie Queen: Oh, I know him, all right. Arc, you mess with the Pixies, you get the sparkles!
The Pixie Queen uses her wand to tie Arc and the Princess onto a tree.
Princess: You know, a regular person would've said, "Oh, I know the Pixie Queen, she hates me"!
Arc: I know the Pixie Queen. She hates me.
Princess: Too late!
***
Setting: Pixie Crystal River.
Arc and the Princess were still tied to the tree.
Arc: Ow, ow! Oww! These sparkles sting!
Princess: What exactly did you do to anger the sweetest creature in the universe?
Pixie Queen: Oh my gosh, you're so nice. (chuckles, angry tone) I'll tell you what he did. When Arc came here, we fed him our entire crop of tiny raspberries!
Arc: It was one thimble! How did I know it took three years to grow?
Pixie Queen: In return for his feast, he promised to bring back a champion strong enough to lift a log that fell on our village. Long story short, no champion. And the Raspberry Festival was canceled.
Arc: Well, in my defense, I found an ogre, and I was gonna ask him. But he was headed to knight school, so I forgot about you and decided to follow my dreams. Is this helping?
Pixie Queen: Yes. It is helping. Helping me to remember how much I hate you!
Princess: But, are you going to help me?
Pixie Queen: That's a big, sparkly no.
Princess: So I'll never be Ciara again?
Arc: I'm gonna be a monster for the rest of my life?
Pixie Queen: Only until hunting season. (chuckles)
The Pixie Queen leaves.
Arc and the Princess look at each other.
Setting: The Tasty Trunk, night.
Sage was reading a book called "How to Manipulate People and Look Fabulous at the Same Time".
Sage: And my evil scheme commences in three, two, one?
Warwick walks in, holding a basket.
Warwick: Hello, Sage.
Sage closes her book.
Sage: Warwick! What a wonderful surprise. What can I do for you?
