Disney's The Replacements - Tasumi Unmasked Transcript

***

Opening Credits

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Title Card: "Tasumi Unmasked"

***

Setting: Daring house. Zoom out to the video game "One-Man-Band Hero".
Video Game Animation: A Riley Daring avatar plays with two polar bear characters dancing along with the music. As the music distorts and the meter on the bottom of the screen goes down, the polar bears cover their ears.


Todd: (offscreen) Do a crash-cymbal-bass drum combo for triple points!

Riley: (offscreen) How do I do a crash-cymbal-bass drum combo?

Todd: A-B-Right-Trigger-Step-White Button-Select-Up-Right-Trigger, duh!

Riley: A, B... B... Hit-right thingy, step.... (groans)

Video Game Animation: As the meter went into the red zone, the bears still cover their ears and a bunch of music notes fall on top of the Riley avatar. The words "Game Over" appear on the screen.

SFX: crowd booing.

Zoom back out to the Daring living room.

Todd: Hand it over, Riley. "One-Man-Band Hero" is the greatest video game, and you, sadly, are disgracing this fine institution.

Todd snatches the harmonica, then the guitar, and the knee pads from Riley.

Riley: Fine! I'm gonna go play my fiddle. So give me a call when you you can play an instrument, (yells) IN THE REAL WORLD!

Todd: What's more real than virtual?

Riley: (turns her head to the TV) Whoa, look!

TV reads "Choose New Level". On the top row of the level selection, we see the two polar bears and a pirate. The bottom row has Grammazoar, a monster lizard dressed as an old lady, a character with the same armor as Riley's friend Tasumi, and a hippopotamus.

Zoom out to the Daring living room.

Riley: (pointing) That's Tasumi!

Todd: No, it's not! It's just one of the anime dancers on Level 26, "Tokyo Techno Showdown". Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna crack Level 37, and get my first fan club.

TV switches to the main game, where we see a Todd avatar.

Fade to George Stapler Middle School.

Abbey: And I said, if you can't tell the difference between a clove hitch and a rolling hitch knot, maybe I'll find myself a new boat buddy.

Tasumi closes her locker as Riley walks in.

Tasumi: What's wrong, Riley?

Riley: I'm sore from playing that stupid One-Man-Band Hero yesterday. Tasumi, it was so weird. There was this character on there that looked just like you! I tried to show Todd...

Tasumi: You're wrong! Or lying? Or both?

Riley: What? I just said I saw something strange on the video game.

Tasumi: That's it, Riley! (pulls up a scroll with a list of names) You're back on my list, just above Gamazoar, and just below, Grammazoar!

Riley: (puts the "list" down) But it did look just like you! I mean, the helmet, the armor! Come on, I can show you. (takes off Tasumi's glove)

Tasumi: Hey! (snatches the glove from Riley)

Abby gasps, then Riley does the same thing. Tasumi puts the glove back on. (SFX: squeaking.)

Tasumi: (to Riley) I mean, hey. Why don't we finish this conversation at Sam Sugar's Sugar-Torium? You know, we could just back and talk, just me and you. (she and Riley walk out.)

Abbey: Uh, hello!

Riley: Tasumi, you know candy and I don't have the best history.


***

Flashback. 

A police officer is yelling at Riley on a bullhorn.

Officer: Just put down the Jelly Drops and the Choco Tarts, and we can all go home!

Riley is on top of a building holding two lollipops.

Riley: NEVER!!! (licks one of the lollipops, and then both lollipops start swirling) Top of the world, ma! TOP OF THE WORLD!!!!

Flashback ends. 

***

Riley's eyes start swirling. Tasumi walks up to her.

Tasumi: Oh, Riley, relax. You act like I'm preying on your weakness for candy to distract you. (stares at Riley) Did I mention they're having a sale on Choco Tarts?

Riley: (giggles) I should be able to handle it.


***


Scene is in black. Riley moans offscreen. The black scene is revealed to be Riley's eye, as it starts opening.

Riley: What happened? 

Dick Daring: I found you lying on the front steps muttering about being the general of the Gumdrop Army.

Riley: Gotta remember. Jelly before hard candy, everything's dandy. Hard candy before jelly, ruins the belly. 

Riley's stomach gurgles.

Riley: Wait. Tasumi. I was talking to Tasumi. And-- Was Tasumi trying to give me the slip? What's she trying to pull?

Dick Daring: (gasps) I don't know!

Riley: Is Tasumi hiding something from me? And why? I thought we were friends.

Dick Daring: So did I! (runs away, sobbing)

Riley puts on a press hat.

Riley: I'm gonna need this. Cause it's time for Riley to do some investigating! And I know just where to start! (stomach gurgles) The bathroom. (runs away)

***

Riley is in front of a Japanese-style building.

Riley: Ah. Little Osaka-town.

Scene zooms out to reveal a small section of Japanese-style buildings in a modern city.

Riley: Emphasis on "little".

Riley walks into a store called "Hooray for Anime". She walks up to the clerk and shows him a photo of her and Tasumi.

Riley: Hi. Do you know anything about--

The clerk snatches the photo and gets excited.

Clerk: Oh, hey! (says title in Japanese)! Cool!

Riley: Who-nerd-says-what-now?

Clerk: It means "Strange Metal Girl". She was a huge anime character back in the 1990s! Where did your friend get this old school costume? I want it!

Riley gives the clerk a weird look.

Clerk: For my... niece. You know. (chuckles and hands the photo back to Riley)

Riley: Costume? This isn't a costume.

Clerk: Uh, yeah, it is. Check it out!

The clerk shows Riley a Japanese catalog with pictures of costumes that look similar to Tasumi's.

Clerk: I think we have some Strange Metal Girl stuff. Hang on!

Riley: A costume? What is going on? And what is she hiding from me?

The clerk comes back holding a DVD cover with Gamazoar destroying buildings and a list in the background.

Clerk: Oh, hey, look what I found. Very rare, Episode #37, "Gamazoar and the List of Doom"! "You've made my list, Gamazoar!"

Riley: Gamazoar! The list!

Clerk: Oh, check it out! 

The clerk brings out a TV set.

Clerk: Gamazoar fights... Grammazoar?

The TV powers on and shows a scene where Gamazoar fights Grammazoar. Grammazoar points her walker at Gamazoar and roars at him. Her roaring is subtitled as "You never call!" Grammazoar blasts her walker at Gamazoar.

The clerk laughs and snickers.

Riley: I have to have these.

Riley puts money on the counter and takes the two DVDs.

Fade to the Daring house living room.

Todd is playing a game of One-Man-Band Hero against his friend Jacobo.

Todd: Come on, Jacobo! Give me a challenge!

Jacobo: (through game) I'm trying, Todd!

Todd: Peace out, morning ago. 

Todd plays progressively faster.

Video Game Animation: The Todd avatar continues to play, while a bunch of music notes fall on top of the Jacobo avatar as his meter hits the red zone. The words "Game Over" appear on the screen.

Jacobo: Ay! (complains in Spanish)

Todd: (yawns) This is too easy. (takes off his earpiece) Maybe I'll go to the arcade and help with those Dance-Dance losers.

Fade to the street.

Todd walks and stops to look at a man performing a one-man-band show.

Todd: Aw, how quaint.

A man who is watching the show, throws change into the performer's hat.

Todd: How profitable. I need a piece of this action.

Fade to the exterior of a store called "House of Cords".

An extension cord stretched from the outside of the store to across the street, where Todd is hooking up his GameCone console and a TV.

Todd: Thank you, House of Cords.

Todd plugs in his console and starts playing.

As the one-man-band performer is getting ready to perform a show, he overhears Todd playing his game and notices that a couple who was going to see him perform get mesmerized by Todd's performance and try to see him perform.

Man: That music.

Woman: Mesmerizing.

As Todd finishes his performance, the couple throws some change into his hat. They walk away, only for the one-man-band to walk up to Todd.

One-Man-Band: What do you think you're doing?

Todd: I'm making money.

One-Man-Band: Yeah, by playing some stupid game! Where's the talent in that?

Todd: Find another shoulder to cry on, Grandpa. This is the future.

One-Man-Band: You think you're some kind of a one-man-band hero, huh? How about a challenge?

Todd: Bring it on!

One-Man-Band: And we'll be using Doyle's International Pro-Am One-Man-Band Rules, of course!

Todd: What the-- Whatever! I already said "bring it on".

One-Man-Band: Then it IS on, Don.

The one-man-band starts performing and a large crowd comes to watch him and cheers.

One-Man-Band: Your try, small fry!

Todd starts playing as a small crowd comes to watch him, only for his game to power down. The crowd boos.

Todd: Hey!

The one-man-band hangs the plug by his foot as he unplugs Todd's game.

One-Man-Band: Oh, lose your juice, Bruce. Well, under Doyle's International Pro-Am One-Man-Band Rules, winner takes all!

The one-man-band snatches Todd's guitar.

Todd: You can't do that!

One-Man-Band: You agreed to the rules, Jules!

Todd: I did not!

One-Man-Band: Too bad, Chad!

The one-man-band snatches the rest of Todd's One-Man-Band Hero equipment and rides away with it in his wheelbarrow.

Todd grumbles.

Todd: Vengeance will be mine! No one humiliates Todd Daring!

Buzz, the school bully, flips Todd's shirt inside out to the point where his shirt covers his eyes, and draws a face on his stomach. He walks away, whistling.

Todd: Okay, very few people humiliate Todd Daring.

***

George Stapler Middle School, classroom.

Abbey: It's a butler that lives on your boat! Don't you have one?

Riley pops out.

Riley: Fancy bumping into you guys! 

Abbey: It's English class. We have it together every day.

Riley: That is so interesting.

The Suite Life on Deck - Computer Date Transcript

Setting: S.S. Tipton. Juice Bar.


Zack: Cody. Just the person I wanted to see. I met this annoying girl in the teen lounge last night. She's a boring mousy little geek.

Cody: So?

Zack: So.... (hands a paper to Cody) ...I got her number for you.

Cody looks at the paper.

Cody: Why can't you understand that I'm just happy being alone? (yells) Can't you see how happy I am? 

Zack: (cleans his eye) Yes, I think you just spit some of your joy in my eye.

Zack and Cody's old friend Arwin calls them from their computer.

Arwin: Hey, guys.

Cody: Hey look, it's Arwin.

Zack: Arwin, hey, what's up? 

Arwin: Well, actually, me. I'm on Mr. Tipton's helicopter. I'm coming to visit you guys.

Cody: Awesome. When are you coming on board? 

Arwin: Now! 

Zack: What? We're in the middle of the ocean.

Arwin: Never fear. I'm using a new device I invented for Mr. Tipton. It can safely eject you anywhere-- You know, for tax evasion purposes. I'm basically in a giant rubber ball.

Cody: Arwin, that sounds kind of risky.

Arwin: Oh, it's time to go. Okay, here we go. Five, four, three, two, one! (makes a squinting face)

Cut to computer screen. Arwin hits the screen as the red ball that he was in bounced around. 

The guests onboard scream in fear.

Cut to ball bouncing off the ship's deck into the ocean.

Cut back to computer screen. SFX: [a loud splash]

Cut back to juice bar.

Cody: Arwin, are you okay? 

Arwin: Sure. This thing's totally waterproof. 

SFX: [loud "pop"]  Water splashes into Arwin's face.

Arwin: Mommy!.

***

Opening Credits

***

Main lobby. Zack and Cody are helping untie Arwin from seaweed.

Mr. Moseby: Arwin. Always happy to see you. But here's a thought-- maybe next time you should just walk up the old gangplank.

Arwin: Are you kidding? Those things are death traps.

Mr. Moseby: Oh.

Zack: Arwin, so great to see you.

Arwin: Hey, guys. (hugs Zack and Cody) Your mom shows me pictures of you all the time, But you can't hug a picture. Well, you can, but the paper cuts are nasty.

London excitedly comes up to Arwin.

London: Oh, Arwin! 

Arwin: London! 

London: Yay! (hugs Arwin, but backs away in disgust)  Eww! 

Arwin: Sorry.

London: You're here to rescue me from the stupid sea school! So long, suckers. Let's go, let's go. (pushes Arwin, but he wouldn't budge)

Arwin: Actually, I'm not here to rescue you.

London: Rats.

Zack: So, Arwin, what brings you here besides, you know, a giant bouncy ball? 

Arwin: Well, Mr. Tipton has given me a very important job.

Arwin takes out a towel, and puts it around his shoulder. While doing it, he hits Mr. Moseby in the eye.

Mr. Moseby: Agh! 

Arwin: I have created a super computer that's going to automate the entire ship. So now the "S.S." in "S.S. Tipton" is going to stand for "Smart Ship." 

Zack: Wow.

Cody: Awesome.

Mr. Moseby: Uh-oh.

Arwin: I'm gonna name it "Cal".

Cody: That must stand for "Computer-Automated Logistics".

Arwin: Nah, I just like the name. Oh! Now if you'll excuse me, I have a fiddler crab in my underpants. And he's fiddlin'.

Arwin walks away, shuffling.

***

Setting: S.S. Tipton. Juice Bar.

London and Woody walk up to Zack.

London: Zack, we're in trouble. We need your help.

Zack: Okay, step one, deny everything. Step two, if they don't believe step one, blame your twin.

Woody: No, we need you to tutor us.

Zack: Wow, you guys must be really desperate.

Woody: Not that kind of tutoring. We're both failing gym.

London: You think my shopping spree in Paris would count. I gave my credit card quite the workout.

Woody: And coach told me I don't get credit for crying and rocking back and forth while being pelted with dodgeballs.

London: Apparently we could still pass this if we take some kind of health and fitness test.

Woody: We're only lacking two things. Health...

London: And fitness.

Zack looks at them, confused.

***

Setting: Computer room.

Cody watches Arwin as they fix up the supercomputer system.

Cody: I'm telling you, it's all Bailey's fault. But somehow I'm the jerk for planning the perfect anniversary while she cavorts with some French guy.

Arwin: Oh, women. Too bad they don't come with clear instructions, like these. (rolls out a very long paper)

Cody: What am I gonna do, Arwin? I'll never find another girl who I can relate to on an emotional and intellectual level the way I did with Bailey.

Arwin: Well, time heals all wounds, Cody. As the same thing with your mom. But eventually I saw that there was no hope for us, and I moved on.

Cody: You did?

Arwin: No! I still love your mommy! (sobs)

Cody: Maybe we should just focus on Cal.

Arwin: That's a good idea, yes. 

Cody and Arwin walk up to the computer monitor.

Arwin: Okay, so, this system, controls everything from the engines to the toilet. Oh, by the way, if you have any flushing issues, (walks up to a wall with a toilet knob) just jiggle this knob right here.

Cody: I'll let Woody know. If he ever flushes.

Arwin: Okay. Let me introduce you to... (types on a computer, then sings operatically as the supercomputer powers on) Cal!

Callie: (automated voice) Operating systems are online.

Cody: I think Cal might be a girl.

Arwin: Well, um... (plugs in a red wire and webcam to the computer monitor) a little adjustment here, and, Ca-Callie.

***

Setting: S.S. Tipton, gym.

Zack is getting ready to tutor Woody and London.

Zack: All right, ready to work out?

London: I thought the walk here was the workout.

Zack: If you guys plan on passing PE, you need to do some basic exercise. All right, so let's start with the treadmills.

Zack walks Woody and London to their respective treadmills.

Woody: (moans) This is hard.

Zack: You haven't even turned it on yet.

Woody: I meant standing up.

Zack turns on the treadmill.

Mr. Moseby walks up to Arwin, who is standing by a computer.

Mr. Moseby: Ah, so far I am very impressed with Callie. I mean the engines are running 20% more efficiently, the temperature of the pool changes based on the climate variant, and it says if the toilet knows you're done before you do.

Arwin: I'll tell you what, if you like that, you're gonna love this. (types on keyboard) See, Callie controls every system on this ship, including the gym equipment. Watch this. (clears throat) Callie, speed up treadmill two.

Callie: (automated voice) Speeding up treadmill.

Woody's treadmill speeds up.

Woody: Uh, what's happening?

Woody's treadmill speeds up even faster.

Woody: The floor's moving!

Woody's treadmill speeds up even more faster, before he falls over.

Woody: What was that crunching noise?

Mr. Moseby: My spine!

Knight Squad - A Knight's Tail Transcript

Setting: Astoria Kingdom courtyard.


King: Welcome to the "Astorian Fish Gut Grab".

(People cheer in excitement).

King: Every year, I bring good luck to our fishing season by searching for a worm in a tub of disgusting fish guts.

(People cheer in excitement).

Arc: Oh, that's why it smells like an ocean's butt!

Ciara: (laughing) The king always pukes before he finds the worm. It's hilarious!

King: I'm sure you'll all eager to watch me barf.

(People cheer at the King's response)

King: But it doesn't matter what you want. I'm the king. So I'll be digging a gummy worm out of pudding instead.

(People booing at the King's response)

Arc: (disappointed tone) No puking? Of course this happens the year I show up.

King: Take these guts away and fetch my pudding tub.

The assistants carry the tub of pudding and leave with it.

Prudence: If he's not heaving, this giant's leaving.

Warwick: Me, too. The new "Combat Cards" are coming out today at the "Tasty Trunk".

Ciara: Combat Cards? The last time you guys played that game, you got into a huge fight.

Arc: Yeah, I heard about that. The back of the castle still has a Warwick-shaped hole.

Warwick: My bones healed, and so did our friendship.

Prudence: See, our mistake was playing against each other, so we agreed to never do that again.

Warwick: More than agree, we made a Phoenix swear.

Warwick and Prudence joined hands together, waved them in a flapping-bird motion.

Warwick and Prudence: Phoenix swear! (echo) Swear, swear, swear, swear.

Arc: Do you Phoenix swear never to do that again?

Prudence: Come on, Friend. Let's go enjoy an afternoon destroying other people.

Warwick: Or, we can take the shortcut through the Warwick-shaped hole.

King: Ah! (Chuckles) The pudding has arrived. Behold the sweet and delicious...

One of the King's assistants lifts the cover off the tub, only to find the tub being filled with rice pudding.

King: Rice pudding? That's like the fish guts of pudding. (cries out) Princess?! I need you to dig through this yucky pudding.

Ciara drags Arc away from the festivities.

Ciara: I can't put my hands in that pudding.

Arc: Of course not. You need a pudding straw.

Ciara: (worried) If I dig through that slimy stuff, I could lose my pixie ring. Arc, that cannot happen!

Arc: Are you asking me to hold your magic ring? Because, uh, (yells) YEAH!

King: Princess? (feels sick to his stomach) Oh, no. It's happening.

(People cheer in anticipation).

Ciara walks offscreen. After touching her ring, (SFX: Magic whooshing) she re-emerges as the Princess, wearing a blue gown. [EDITOR'S NOTE: Ciara, while in her princess form after touching the ring, will now on just be referred to as "Princess"] 

King: What is wrong with you people?

Princess: (holding the ring) There's no time to explain. But whatever you do, don't use the ring.
Got it?

Arc: Got it. Just go.

The Princess walks off.

Arc: (holds the ring) Well, well, well. What do we have--

Princess walks back.

Princess: Don't even think about it!

Princess walks back out.

Arc: You don't know me!

Arc turns to the ring he's holding in his hand.

Arc: She knows me.

***

Setting: Inside The Tasty Trunk, a restaurant situated on a tree's trunk. Prudence is playing a game of Combat Cards. 

When Prudy sets her Combat Card down on the table, the character on the card, Jenny the Giant magically appears on top of the card.

Jenny the Giant: (yells)

Then her partner sets his card on the table. His card's character, a small man wearing armor wielding a battle axe, known as a battle gnome magically appears on top of his card.

Battle Gnome: (grunts) Hyah!

Prudence: A battle gnome? Ha! That's no match for Jenny the Giant's hammer smash.

The Jenny the Giant character smacks the battle gnome in the groin.  Then the battle gnome knocks down Jenny. The battle gnome makes a victory pose.

Prudence: Oh, come on! Get it together, Jenny!

The characters disappear from the cards.

At the table behind Prudence, Warwick is also playing Combat Cards. His partner sets her Combat Card down on the table and the character on her card, a mermaid magically appears on top of the card.

Warwick: All right, Mermaid. Say hello to Willy the Wizard.

Warwick sets his Combat Card down on the table and the character on his card, a wizard named Willy magically appears on top of the card.

Willy sets off a magic blast from his hand. As he shoots, the mermaid hits it. After it bounces off the tail, it knocks Willy out. The mermaid finishes off the battle with her tail hitting Willy before the characters disappear off their cards.

Warwick: (groaning) Why, Willy, why? (turns to Prudence) My lousy cards lose every time.

Prudence: I hear ya. (to her cards) I'm gonna shuffle the snot out of you!

Sir Gareth walks in.

Sir Gareth: Welcome, nerds! I know you're all here for the release of the newest line of Combat Cards. But we have a very special surprise.

The Tasty Trunk was filled with oohs.

Sir Gareth: One of these packs contains the exclusive, unbeatable, two-handed Sir Gareth card.

He hands three packs to three tables.

All: Wow!

Sir Gareth: Yeah, I know. Back in the day, I used one hand for slaying dragons and one hand for fighting off the ladies.

Warwick: An unbeatable combat card? Prudy, if one of us gets that, we could actually win.

Prudence: Oh, man. I just know we're gonna get it!

Cut to the table behind Warwick. Sitting there were Sage and Buttercup, from Phoenix Squad's rivals, the Kraken Squad.

Buttercup: (excited gasping) I got it!

The guests rush to the table. Buttercup sets the Combat Card down on the table and a long-haired Sir Gareth magically appears on top of the card. 

Buttercup: Look, it's Sir Gareth before life broke him! (giggles)

Sage: And before Tammy the Tiny yanked his hair out. (She and Sir Gareth chuckle)

Sir Gareth: It took me 10 years to grow it. And it took her 10 seconds to rip it from my scalp.

Prudence: Buttercup, can I please hold the card?

Buttercup nods her head. As Prudy tries to get the card, Sage stops her.

Sage: No! You cannot hold anything. You'll get your loser juice all over it.

Warwick: What about me?

Sage: You are even juicier. Now scram!

Warwick and Prudy leave. The long-haired Sir Gareth disappears from the card. A smiling Buttercup picks up the card.

Sage: Did you see that?

Buttercup: (happy-sounding voice) Yeah. Prudy got a new vest! It's adorable.

Sage: No, Prudence and Warwick can't keep their eyes off this card.

Buttercup: You think so?

Sage points to the window. Buttercup turns her head.

Cut to Warwick and Prudy looking out the window, listening to Buttercup and Sage's conversation.

(Back with Buttercup and Sage)
Sage: Don't you remember the last time those two played each other in Combat Cards?

Buttercup: (giggly) No. But I remember to not look up when it's raining so water doesn't get up my nose. (giggles)

Sage: They got into a fight. We can use this card to get them fighting again and split the Phoenix Squad apart.

Buttercup moans sadly.

Sage: No, no, no, it's a good thing.

Buttercup: Oh, then yay!

The girls walk out.

***

Setting: The courtyard. The Princess sticks her hand in the pudding. 

Princess: I can't find the worm! (retching) And this pudding's so warm and chunky! (retches again) 

King: I see why this is so funny now. Hey, everyone, look! She's gonna barf! (pretends to gag)

Everyone cheers.

Princess: What is wrong with you people?

Cut to Arc with the ring.

Arc: If you press the ring, Ciara will be mad. But if you don't press the ring, you'll never know what awesome thing you could turn into.

Arc's conscience appears inside a thought cloud. He is dressed as a king.

Arc's Conscience: (in a British accent) I say, "tisn't" it obvious, you silly bloke?

Arc: Whoa, the ring's so powerful, it gave my imagination a fancy accent.

Arc's Conscience: Oh, indeedly do. Now, if the ring turns the princess into Ciara, it'll turn-

Arc: (finishing the sentence) Me into a prince.

Arc's Conscience: Oh, that's using your bean, old boy. Now, push that rrring like a boss!

Arc: You really think I should do it, Your Handsome Highness?

Arc's Conscience: How could listening to me go wrong? I'm imaginary!

Arc: Okay, I'm gonna do it.

Arc's conscience disappears. Arc puts his finger on the ring.

(SFX: magic tinkle, zapping)

After Arc touches the ring, he realizes that he has a pig's nose, his hair is messy, he has horns and pointier ears, and he is dressed in a dirty, used outfit.

Arc: What the heck? I'm a monster!

Arc stares at the ring.

Arc: Very funny, ring. Now it's time to prince it up.

Arc puts his finger on the ring.

(SFX: magic zapping, sputtering)

After Arc touches the ring, nothing happens. The ring shoots out sparks, and then smoke flows out.

Arc: The ring's not working?

Arc's conscience reappears, drinking a cup of tea. As he turns to look at Arc's horrifying state, he spits out the tea.

Arc's Conscience: Oh, no! Bangers and mash, you're horrifying!

Arc's conscience runs away, shrieking.

Cut to Arc, turning to the camera with a worried look on his face.

***

Opening Credits

***

Scene opens up in the squad room. The Princess opens the secret door by the bookcase.

Princess: Arc? Arc, I need my ring. Where are you?

Arc comes out of the wall.

Arc: I'm here.

Princess: Oh, good. Where's my ring?

The Princess turns her head to see Arc's current state and she screams.

Princess: Monster! (smacks Arc in the groin)

Arc: No, no, no! It's me! Remember? Arc? The one who knows your secret? (turns around to find out he has a tail.) And has a tail?

Princess: You used the ring? How could you be so selfish? I asked you to do one thing for me.

Arc: I know. Then I did something for me instead.

Princess: The ring has a security feature. If anyone besides me uses it, it stops working and turns 'em into a.... I wanna say, monkey pig?

Arc: Why didn't you tell me this would happen?

Princess: Remember when I told you I didn't have time to explain? That's the part I didn't have time to explain!

Arc: Oh, so this is your fault.

Princess: Without the ring, I can't become Ciara. I'll never be able to go to knight school again.

Arc: Uh, hello! Slightly worse problem.

Princess: My ring came from the Pixie Crystal River. Maybe someone there can help.

Arc: I know how to get there. I passed through on my way from Seagate. (oinks) Oh, no. I'm oinking.

Princess: Let's get to the river. Maybe someone could fix my ring.

Arc: Uh, and fix me?

Princess: Yeah, sure. If we have time.

***

Setting: Training field. Sage and Buttercup walk over.

Warwick: Whoa, the Sir Gareth combat card.

Prudence: Buttercup, you let her hold it?

Buttercup: We're using it to get you two to fight.

Sage: Fight your way out of the slump you're in.

Buttercup: That's probably what I meant to say.

Buttercup skips off.

Sage: So, Buttercup asked me to decide which one of you to give this card to.

Warwick and Prudence raise their hands.

Warwick and Prudence: I'll take it!

Sage: Ooh, this is so hard.

Prudence: No, it's not. Give it to me!

Warwick: Or better yet, give it to me.

Prudence: Wait a second, we made a Phoenix swear not to fight each other.

Warwick: Yeah, you're right.

Sage: Ooh, a Phoenix swear? That sounds super unbreakable. I guess, I'll have to find a different home for this little guy, since none of you will ever, ever, ever want it.

Sage walks away.

Warwick: Let's get out of here. Our Phoenix swear is more important than some amazing life-changing card.

Prudence: I mean, who needs that card when I could have nothing instead?

They walk out, while Sage gives them a menacing look.

Setting: Pixie Crystal River.

Arc and the Princess walks in.

Princess: It's beautiful.

Arc: My tail? Yeah, I'm starting to think so, too.

The Princess and Arc walk across the Pixie Crystal River.

Princess: Okay. We have to convince the Pixie Queen to help us or we're stuck like this forever.

Arc: Okay.

The Pixie Queen flies in as a ray of light.

Pixie Queen: Greetings, fellow travelers. Oops, hold on.

The Pixie Queen transforms into her full human form.

Pixie Queen: Oh, my stars and moonbeams! Welcome to the Pixie Crystal River, Astorian Princess and her... pet.

Arc: I am not her pet.

Princess: Sorry. He thinks he's people. (tickles Arc's head) Who's my little monkey pig? You are!

The Princess turns to the Pixie Queen.

Princess: Pixie Queen, we've come to beg for your help.

Pixie Queen: There's no begging here. We only accept smiles, hugs and laughter. (laughs)

The Princess and the Pixie Queen both laugh together. Arc does stilted, unenthusiastic laughter.

Princess: Thank you. This selfish flea-bag broke my ring.

Arc: Hey! I do not have fleas.

Arc scratches his neck.

Arc: Dang it, I have fleas.

Pixie Queen: Once I repair your ring's crystal, you'll be pretty as a princess. And you, well, miracles happen.

The Pixie Queen points her wand at the ring and does magic.

Princess: Your Highness, Arc and I are so grateful.

The Pixie Queen stops to look at the two, with a very intimidating look on her face.

Pixie Queen: Did you just call him "Arc"?

Arc: I heard Horatio. Horatio, the handsome and loyal pet.

Pixie Queen: Talking about how handsome you are? Definitely Arc.

Princess: Wait, you know him?

Pixie Queen: Oh, I know him, all right. Arc, you mess with the Pixies, you get the sparkles!

The Pixie Queen uses her wand to tie Arc and the Princess onto a tree.

Princess: You know, a regular person would've said, "Oh, I know the Pixie Queen, she hates me"!

Arc: I know the Pixie Queen. She hates me.

Princess: Too late!

***

Setting: Pixie Crystal River.

Arc and the Princess were still tied to the tree.

Arc: Ow, ow! Oww! These sparkles sting!

Princess: What exactly did you do to anger the sweetest creature in the universe?

Pixie Queen: Oh my gosh, you're so nice. (chuckles, angry tone) I'll tell you what he did. When Arc came here, we fed him our entire crop of tiny raspberries!

Arc: It was one thimble! How did I know it took three years to grow?

Pixie Queen: In return for his feast, he promised to bring back a champion strong enough to lift a log that fell on our village. Long story short, no champion. And the Raspberry Festival was canceled.

Arc: Well, in my defense, I found an ogre, and I was gonna ask him. But he was headed to knight school, so I forgot about you and decided to follow my dreams. Is this helping?

Pixie Queen: Yes. It is helping. Helping me to remember how much I hate you!

Princess: But, are you going to help me?

Pixie Queen: That's a big, sparkly no.

Princess: So I'll never be Ciara again?

Arc: I'm gonna be a monster for the rest of my life?

Pixie Queen: Only until hunting season. (chuckles)

The Pixie Queen leaves.

Arc and the Princess look at each other.

Setting: The Tasty Trunk, night.

Sage was reading a book called "How to Manipulate People and Look Fabulous at the Same Time".

Sage: And my evil scheme commences in three, two, one?

Warwick walks in, holding a basket.

Warwick: Hello, Sage.

Sage closes her book.

Sage: Warwick! What a wonderful surprise. What can I do for you?

The Thundermans - Max to the Future Transcript

Setting: Thunderman living room. Max walks in on Phoebe while she's practicing how to fight with a bo staff.


Max: Ooh! Love me a good limbo! (Max goes under the bo staff that Phoebe holds, as if he's doing the limbo) How low can you go? How low can you go-- (in pain) Ohhh!!!

Phoebe smacks Max hard with the bo staff. Max falls to the floor.

Max: (displeased) Why?!

Phoebe: It's a bo staff. I'm training with it so I can add it as one of my special skills to our Z-Force application. Wanna see some more moves? (makes a battle pose)

Max: (horrified) No, no, I like my bones.

Max uses Phoebe's bo staff to help him up.

Phoebe: Check it out. We list enough amazing talents on this baby, we'll stand out from our competition.

Max: Well, I was gonna give you my list of special skills. You know, before you went all kung fu Phoebe on me.

Phoebe unfolds a paper that listed her special skills.

Phoebe: (reads the list) Let's see, freeze breath, telekinesis... (stops) Max, we both have these powers. Special skills are what you bring to the Z-Force that no one else does.

Max: Well, then put down "slow-motion arm farting". (farts in his armpit slowly.)

Phoebe looks at Max in disgust.

Phoebe: I will not. (sits on the couch)

Max: Okay, fine. What'd you got on your list?

Phoebe: Well, to name a few... (reads the list in faster speed) Code-breaking, conversational Japanese, hardcore turkey calls, knot-tying, space-jumping, spelunking, accents, photographic memory, (slows down) and speed-talking.

Max: Well, you didn't read the last special skill on my list, "inventing gadgets".

Phoebe: (scoffs) Yeah.

Max gives Phoebe a look on his face.

Phoebe: Oh, you're serious? Come on, Max. Name one of your gadgets that didn't backfire.

Max: The "Nose Hair-alyzer".

Phoebe: Gave Nora a beard.

Max: The "super villain eye patch".

Phoebe: Turned a child evil.

Max: The "BrainMelt".

Phoebe: Speaks for itself.

Max: Well, you haven't seen my newest gadget. (Takes out a brush. The back of the brush had a tube of a turquoise-colored hair gel substance inside)

Phoebe: A brush?

Max: It's not just a brush, Phoebe. It's a gel brush. Hair gel and a brush together at last!

Phoebe: Wow. Can't wait to see how this blows up in your face.

The hair gel squirts out of the tube, into Max's face.

Phoebe: And, that's out.

As Max tries to turn his head away from the messiness, he falls down.

***

Setting - Thunderman dining room. Barb and her husband Hank walk in on the younger Thunderman kids, Nora, Billy, and Chloe while they're eating their cereal.

Hank: Barb, I keep getting mean chirps from that guy on my bowling league. Look. (shows the phone to Barb, reads) "You put the gut in gutter ball."

Billy: Why is someone sending you mean chirps, Dad?

Barb: Ever since everyone found out your dad's Thunder Man, this guy Nico is saying he used his powers to win last year's bowling championship.

Hank's phone chirps.

Hank: "Butthead"? (angry) No, you're the butthead!!!

Barb: Uh, Hank, watch your language.

Chloe: (putting both of her arms up) Butthead!

Hank: Sorry. It's just that... (takes out the trophy out of a shelf) I won this trophy fair and square and there's nothing that two-faced magician can say to change that.

Billy: A magician? Named Nico? As in "The Amazing Nico"?

Chloe stares at Billy and Nora, with an excited look on her face.

Nora: He's our favorite!

Billy: Yeah, he's way better than that magician you got for my birthday, "Good-Enough Greg".

Chloe: That guy made the fun disappear.

Nora: Nico's big trick is that he can walk through walls.

Hank: Whoop-dee-doo, I fly through the ceiling every day.

Barb: Yeah, about that, please stop.

Billy: Dad, can you take us to meet Nico?

Hank: Absolutely not.

Nora: (gets up from her chair) Guys, Dad's taking us to meet The Amazing Nico!

Hank: No, no, no, no, no. I did not say that.

The kids get up from their seats.

Kids: (cheering) Dad! Dad! Dad! Dad! Dad! Dad!

Barb: So sweet of you, Hank!

Barb and the kids leave the dining room.

Hank: What just happened?

***

Setting - Max's lair. Max is fixing up a gadget under a cover. The family pet, a rabbit named Dr. Colosso, watches him.

Max: She says I stink at gadgets? She's the one that stinks.

Dr. Colosso: Yeah, she does.

Max: I worked all night on this.

Dr. Colosso: Yeah, you did.

Max: Don't tell me I don't have any special skills.

Dr. Colosso: (talking on the phone) Okay, Mommy. Love you too.

Max checks up on Colosso.

Dr. Colosso: Oh, sorry. Were you talking to me?

Max: Yes! I've been talking to you for the past 12 hours while I've been working on my most amazing project yet.

Dr. Colosso: I ignored you for 12 hours? I gotta call and tell my mom.

Max: Stop calling your mom!

Phoebe enters the lair on the slide. She makes a flip as she approaches Max's bed.

Phoebe: Like my new skill?

Max: Annoying entrances? That's not new.

Phoebe: Whatever. What'd you wanna talk about?

Max: Phoebe, what's the best way to fight crime?

Phoebe: Oh, well, the Hero League manual says--

Max: (yells in Phoebe's face) WRONG!

Phoebe: (whimpers)

Max: The best way, is to stop it, before it happens. I give you... (lifts up the sheet) ...The "Crimecaster"!

The Crimecaster was a box-shaped device. The front had a picture of Max's face, with red lights flashing from the eyes. Several other lights flashed on there. The front reads "Crimecaster" on the bottom.

Max: It's a gadget, that crunches years of crime statistics through a state-of-the-art algorithm.

Max turns to Phoebe and shakes her.

Max: (yells in Phoebe's face) AL-GO-RITHM!

Phoebe: Did you sleep last night?

Max: NO.

Phoebe: Oh, okay.

Max: Point is, it predicts future crimes so we can use it to catch criminals in the act. (yells) IN THE ACT! (normal) I'm sorry. I really need a nap.

Phoebe: That gadget sounds unbelievable. As in I am unable to believe that it works.

The Crimecaster beeped. Lights flashed, and a paper prints out.

Crimecaster: (in Max's voice, computerized) It's crime time.

Max: Looks like it's about to prove you wrong. (takes out the paper) It says, Hiddenville High will be vandalized tonight. Unless we're there to stop it.