Bushwell Plaza, corridor leading to the Shays' apartment.
Spencer, who is wearing a sombrero is waiting for Carly.
Spencer: Carly, come on!
Carly, wearing a sombrero on her shoulder, shuffles sickly.
Bushwell Plaza, Shays' apartment.
***
Shays' apartment, living room.
Spencer is eating a spaghetti taco while watching Bethany exercising on the Omni-Flex. Bethany is sweating and complaining.
Spencer: ...One and two and good, tell your mom to call me. And good, and pull and--
Spencer, who is wearing a sombrero is waiting for Carly.
Spencer: Carly, come on!
Carly, wearing a sombrero on her shoulder, shuffles sickly.
Carly: Ohhhh...
Carly sits on her luggage. She falls down and opens an apartment door.
Carly: Ah!
Carly quickly closes the door.
Spencer: How you doin'?
Carly: I'm sick and dying! Ugh.
Spencer: Maybe I should take you to a doctor.
Carly: No. No, just open our door so I could just go in there and just be alone.
Spencer: 'Kay.
Spencer opens the door to the Shays' apartment.
Shays' apartment.
Freddie and Gibby are playing a video game.
T-Bo is in a kiddie pool playing with toy boats.
Sam is grilling steaks.
Spencer: Hey!
Freddie: Hola!
Sam: Hey, guys.
T-Bo: Hi.
Carly: What is going on here?
Sam: I'm cookin' steaks.
Freddie: Playing video games.
T-Bo: I'm in a kiddie pool!
Gibby: Gib-behh.
Spencer: How long have you guys been hanging in our apartment?!
Sam: Uh, how long have you guys been on vacation?
Spencer: Eight days.
Sam: 'Bout eight days.
Carly: (groaning) Ohhhh...
Carly hunches down.
Freddie: She okay?
Spencer: No. She's like dying.
Carly: Ohhhhhh.
Sam: Gib, help her up.
Gibby: Kay-kay.
Carly: (groans) Ohhhh... Ohhhh...
Gibby helps Carly up.
T-Bo: Man, she looks sicky-sick.
Spencer: Yeah. She's got jungle worms.
Gibby: Oh my God!
Gibby drops Carly.
Gibby: Oh my God. Oh my--oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God!
Gibby runs out the door.
Freddie: What are jungle worms?
Sam: They're like these scuzzy little parasites that set up camp in your guts.
Carly: Ohhhhhh...
Spencer puts Carly down on the couch.
Spencer: How do you know about jungle worms?
Sam: My mom got 'em from using some foreign guy's toothbrush.
Carly coughs.
Freddie: So what are the symptoms?
Spencer: Uhhh... Dry mouth...
Carly: I'm so thirsty...
Spencer: Chills...
Carly: Can someone cover me with a blanket?
Spencer: Moaning...
Carly: (moans) Ohhhhh...
Spencer: Groaning...
Carly: (groans) Ohhhhh...
Spencer: And a lot of, y'know...uh...
Carly runs to the bathroom and vomits.
Spencer: Vomiting.
Freddie, Sam, T-Bo: Ewwww.
Sam: Poor kid.
Freddie: Yeah. One of us should probably get in there and help her.
Sam: Hey these steaks are ready.
Freddie: Carne!
T-Bo: Feed me.
Spencer, Freddie, Gibby, and T-Bo run to Sam.
Sam serves the guys the steaks.
***
Opening Credits
***
Bushwell Plaza, Shays' apartment.
Gibby is massaging Sam's feet.
Sam: Oh yeah... Yes...
Gibby: After this will you massage my feet?
Sam: No. Gross. C'mon, work the heel. Rub it like a man.
Kitchen.
A doctor checks Carly's temperature. The doctor takes the thermometer out of her mouth.
Doctor: Tsk, tsk, tsk!
Carly: So, am I better? Are my jungle worms gone?
Doctor: Yeah, I'd say you're pretty much over it. But you still could be contagious, so don't go kissing any boys.
Carly: Yeah, no problem -- I don't have a boyfriend.
Doctor: I didn't think so. Well, I'll be in my apartment upstairs if you need anything else.
Gibby: Hey, Doc... I got this weird-lookin' bump growin' outta my neck.
Doctor: That's your head.
Gibby: No, I meant a bump that could be a problem if it's not--
The doctor leaves.
Spencer comes out of an elevator, bringing in a run-down, old exercise machine.
Spencer: Oh, hey, guys! Guess what I got!
Carly: A woman?
Sam: A real job?
Gibby: A friend your own age?
Spencer: No! Check it out.
Spencer brings in the exercise machine.
Spencer: I just found this at the junkyard! Amongst the junk!
Gibby: What is that, a motorcycle?
Spencer: Mm-hmm. A motorcy-- What about this looks like a motorcycle?
Sam: Do you see wheels?
Carly: A motor?
Spencer: Anything motorcycle related?
Gibby: Look. I'm just a kid, I'm not a "wizard".
Sam: Get in between the toes.
Gibby: Oh.
Gibby continues to massage Sam's feet.
Carly: Is that some kind of exercise machine?
Spencer: Uh, the best exercise machine ever made! It's called the Omni-Flex.
Sam: What are you gonna do with it?
Spencer: Fix it up and use it.
Carly: Like, to get in shape?
Spencer: I'm already "in shape."
Sam: Yeah, the shape of a tall marshmallow.
Spencer: Uhhh... Look at these toned abs.
Spencer lifts up his shirt.
Carly: What's that in your belly button?
Spencer notices popcorn in his belly button.
Spencer: There's nothing in my-- Whoa, popcorn.
Spencer eats the popcorn.
Spencer leaves.
A knock on the door is heard. Freddie walks in with a Pear Pad.
Freddie: Okay, fellow iCarly people. Check out the email I just got from the manager of a certain British band known as One Direction.
Sam get up from off the couch.
Sam: Shut up.
Carly: One Direction?!
Gibby: Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!
Carly: Read the email!
Freddie: He says... "Dear Freddie."
Gibby: Oh my God!
Freddie: (reads) "In response to your email, my clients, One Direction, will be in the Seattle area later this week..."
Gibby gasps.
Carly and Sam squeal.
Sam: No way, real life?!
Gibby: Shh. Let him finish!!!
Gibby puts his hand over Sam's mouth.
Freddie: (continues reading) "...And they would love to appear on iCarly and perform a song."
Carly and Sam squeal.
Gibby jumps.
Gibby: Sounds good.
***
Shays' apartment, living room.
Spencer is finished restoring the Omni-Flex exercise machine.
A knock on the door is heard.
Spencer: T-Bo! You cannot borrow my deodorant. Just--
Spencer walks to the door and opens the door.
A lady is standing at the door.
Justine: (looks at package) Hi. Are you... Spencer Spay?
Spencer: Shay.
Justine: (points to a brown spot on Spencer's face) Is that fudge on your face?
Spencer: No, no... (uses his finger to smear the spot off his face) Yes. (licks finger) Uh, who are you?
Justine: Justine. I think they left this at my door by mistake. (hands package to Spencer)
Spencer: Thanks.
Justine: No way. Is that an Omni-Flex?
Spencer: Yeah. You wanna come in and look at it?
Justine: Sure.
Justine enters the living room.
Justine touches the Omni-Flex.
Justine: Oh, my God, I used to work out on one of these.
Spencer: Really? 'Cause, you know, I'm a personal exercise trainer.
Justine: Yeah. You're looking for new people to exercise?
Spencer: Yes.
Justine: Cool. Could you do a workout tomorrow? Around 7:00 PM?
Spencer: 7:00 is perfect.
Justine: Great. Well, bye.
Spencer: Bye to you.
Justine leaves.
Spencer closes the door. He kneels down and touches the Omni-Flex.
Spencer: I love what you've done for me.
***
iCarly set.
Carly walks in while Freddie cleans his camera lens.
Carly: Hey. Sam here yet?
Freddie: Nah, she texted me from jail and said she'd be a few minutes late.
Carly: Sam's in jail?
Freddie: Nah, she's just visiting her cousin Tanya.
Carly drinks from a water bottle.
Freddie: Nice water bottle holder.
Carly: Don't make fun of it. Spencer got this for me in Texas. See all the little handguns?
Freddie looks at the water bottle.
Freddie: Yeah. You gotta love Texas.
Freddie starts drinking out of the water bottle.
Carly: NO!!!
Carly slaps the water bottle out of Freddie's hand.
Carly: You can't drink after me! I could still be contagious with jungle worms!
Freddie: Oh, right.
Gibby walks in.
Gibby: 'Sup, my peeps?
Freddie: Whoa-ho-ho-ho, Gib.
Gibby: What?
Carly: Are you all dressed up like that 'cause One Direction's coming here?
Gibby: No. Is that today? No. What? (takes out a lint roller)
Sam runs in.
Sam: You guys! One Direction are on their way up!
Gibby jumps up and down.
Gibby: Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God! Oh, my God! Ahhh! What?!
***
iCarly set.
One Direction had just finished performing their song "What Makes You Beautiful". Carly, Sam, Freddie, and Gibby cheer.
Gibby: Yeah!
Niall: How was that?
Gibby: Fantastic. Gorgeous.
Louis: So what time do we do the show tonight?
Freddie: We start at 7:30, so probably get here 20 minutes early.
Louis: Okay, cool.
Sam: Uh, hey guys, quick announcement. I am not currently dating anyone. (puts hands on Zayn Malik's shoulder) Just puttin' that out there.
Zayn: (quietly) Yeah, right.
Gibby walks up to Louis Tomlinson and Niall Horan.
Gibby: And I give good foot massages. Just puttin' that out there.
Harry Styles turns to Carly.
Carly: Yeah, I'm not putting anything out there. (drinks from water bottle)
Gibby walks away.
Carly: Anyway, we made you guys some British sandwiches if you're hungry.
Louis: What are "British sandwiches"?
Carly: Oh, you know. They're just sandwiches that are... they have, um... They're just normal sandwiches.
Sam: So, who's hungry?
One Direction: Yeah.
Sam: Okay, well, bring 'em up.
Zayn: Cool, thanks.
Carly: Freddie, Gibby, come help us.
Freddie: Sure.
Carly, Sam, Freddie, and Gibby leave.
Gibby walks back inside.
Liam: Something we can do for you?
Gibby: Uh, would you guys autograph my sister's scrapbook?
One Direction: Cool.
Gibby: Just sign it right by your pic.
Niall: Yeah, sure, what's your sister's name?
Gibby: Uh, my sister's name is, uh... Gib... Gi..Girl... Girlby.
Zayn: Girlby?
Harry: That's a name?
Gibby: Yeah. It's a really popular girl's name here in America. You wouldn't know that.
Harry: Is there any water around here?
Louis: Over there.
Harry walks to get Carly's water bottle.
Harry: Heh. Handguns.
Harry drinks from the water bottle. He makes finger gun motions.
***
Shays' apartment, living room.
Spencer is combing his hair.
Sam runs in.
Spencer: Oh, hey, Sam.
Sam: One Direction here yet?
Spencer: Yeah, they're upstairs getting ready to do the show.
Sam: Awesome.
Sam walks, then stops to notice Spencer's outfit.
Sam: Uh, why are you dressed like a rapper? That never sold any records?
Spencer: I tricked this really hot lady into thinking I'm a personal exercise trainer.
Sam runs upstairs.
Spencer: And she'll be here any minute-- You're not a good listener!
A knock on the door is heard.
Spencer walks to the door and opens the door.
A little girl wearing a brown sweater holding a can of Wahoo Punch is standing at the door.
Spencer: And, hello--
Bethany: Well? You just gonna stand there and look all stupid?
Spencer: Heh. Who are you?
Bethany: Bethany.
Spencer: Yeah. Uh, look, kid. I don't wanna buy any of your church candy, or whatever you're selling. I got a really hot lady coming.
Bethany: Are you an exercise trainer or not?!
Spencer: Exercise trainer?
Bethany: I smell fudge.
Bethany walks in.
Bethany finds a plate of fudge on a countertop and sniffs it.
Spencer: Oh. Hey, kid. What are you doing?
Bethany: Smelling this fudge.
Spencer: Well, get out!
Bethany: My mother said you were gonna exercise me!
Spencer: No, I am supposed-- Your mother? I thought she wanted to work out.
Bethany: Well, you thought wrong, moron.
Spencer: Hey! I am an adult! You do not call adults morons!
Bethany: (blows raspberry)
Spencer: No, would you...! Oh!
***
iCarly set.
The other One Direction members notice Harry looking sick.
Harry: Ohhhh... (coughs)
Freddie: Can he stand?
Louis: Here, let's try.
Louis and Niall try to stand Harry up.
Harry moans sickly and sits back down.
Liam: Wow, he's really sick.
Gibby: Oh, no! This is horrible!
Gibby runs to the corner of the room and sobs.
Sam: How'd he get so sick so fast?
Harry: Ohhhh. I feel cold.
Carly and Sam turn their heads to each other.
Harry: (coughs) I'm thirsty. Will somebody hold me?
Zayn: Nope.
Niall: No, no.
Louis: No.
Gibby continues to sob.
Louis: (hands Carly's water bottle to Harry) Here. Have some more of this water.
Carly: Whoa. What?! (snatches the water bottle from Louis) (turns to Sam and Freddie) What?! (turns to Harry) What?! Harry, you drank from my water bottle?
Harry: Yeah.
Carly: Oh, my God. (turns to Sam and Freddie) I gave Harry Styles jungle worms!
Gibby: Nooooo!
Gibby runs up to Harry and puts his hand on his shoulder.
Harry coughs, and Gibby takes his hand off.
Gibby: Ahhh!!!! Gaaaahhhh!!! (sits at the corner, sobs) I'm so sad. I'm so sad. (sobs)
Harry continues to moan and cough.
***
Bushwell Plaza, Carly's room.
Carly: Is he better?
Doctor: I think so. Or, maybe not. How long has he been lying in here sick?
Carly: Almost a week.
Sam: I don't get it -- Carly had jungle worms -- She felt better after two days.
Freddie: Oh, right.
Gibby walks in.
Gibby: 'Sup, my peeps?
Freddie: Whoa-ho-ho-ho, Gib.
Gibby: What?
Carly: Are you all dressed up like that 'cause One Direction's coming here?
Gibby: No. Is that today? No. What? (takes out a lint roller)
Sam runs in.
Sam: You guys! One Direction are on their way up!
Gibby jumps up and down.
Gibby: Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God! Oh, my God! Ahhh! What?!
***
iCarly set.
One Direction had just finished performing their song "What Makes You Beautiful". Carly, Sam, Freddie, and Gibby cheer.
Gibby: Yeah!
Niall: How was that?
Gibby: Fantastic. Gorgeous.
Louis: So what time do we do the show tonight?
Freddie: We start at 7:30, so probably get here 20 minutes early.
Louis: Okay, cool.
Sam: Uh, hey guys, quick announcement. I am not currently dating anyone. (puts hands on Zayn Malik's shoulder) Just puttin' that out there.
Zayn: (quietly) Yeah, right.
Gibby walks up to Louis Tomlinson and Niall Horan.
Gibby: And I give good foot massages. Just puttin' that out there.
Harry Styles turns to Carly.
Carly: Yeah, I'm not putting anything out there. (drinks from water bottle)
Gibby walks away.
Carly: Anyway, we made you guys some British sandwiches if you're hungry.
Louis: What are "British sandwiches"?
Carly: Oh, you know. They're just sandwiches that are... they have, um... They're just normal sandwiches.
Sam: So, who's hungry?
One Direction: Yeah.
Sam: Okay, well, bring 'em up.
Zayn: Cool, thanks.
Carly: Freddie, Gibby, come help us.
Freddie: Sure.
Carly, Sam, Freddie, and Gibby leave.
Gibby walks back inside.
Liam: Something we can do for you?
Gibby: Uh, would you guys autograph my sister's scrapbook?
One Direction: Cool.
Gibby: Just sign it right by your pic.
Niall: Yeah, sure, what's your sister's name?
Gibby: Uh, my sister's name is, uh... Gib... Gi..Girl... Girlby.
Zayn: Girlby?
Harry: That's a name?
Gibby: Yeah. It's a really popular girl's name here in America. You wouldn't know that.
Harry: Is there any water around here?
Louis: Over there.
Harry walks to get Carly's water bottle.
Harry: Heh. Handguns.
Harry drinks from the water bottle. He makes finger gun motions.
***
Shays' apartment, living room.
Spencer is combing his hair.
Sam runs in.
Spencer: Oh, hey, Sam.
Sam: One Direction here yet?
Spencer: Yeah, they're upstairs getting ready to do the show.
Sam: Awesome.
Sam walks, then stops to notice Spencer's outfit.
Sam: Uh, why are you dressed like a rapper? That never sold any records?
Spencer: I tricked this really hot lady into thinking I'm a personal exercise trainer.
Sam runs upstairs.
Spencer: And she'll be here any minute-- You're not a good listener!
A knock on the door is heard.
Spencer walks to the door and opens the door.
A little girl wearing a brown sweater holding a can of Wahoo Punch is standing at the door.
Spencer: And, hello--
Bethany: Well? You just gonna stand there and look all stupid?
Spencer: Heh. Who are you?
Bethany: Bethany.
Spencer: Yeah. Uh, look, kid. I don't wanna buy any of your church candy, or whatever you're selling. I got a really hot lady coming.
Bethany: Are you an exercise trainer or not?!
Spencer: Exercise trainer?
Bethany: I smell fudge.
Bethany walks in.
Bethany finds a plate of fudge on a countertop and sniffs it.
Spencer: Oh. Hey, kid. What are you doing?
Bethany: Smelling this fudge.
Spencer: Well, get out!
Bethany: My mother said you were gonna exercise me!
Spencer: No, I am supposed-- Your mother? I thought she wanted to work out.
Bethany: Well, you thought wrong, moron.
Spencer: Hey! I am an adult! You do not call adults morons!
Bethany: (blows raspberry)
Spencer: No, would you...! Oh!
***
iCarly set.
The other One Direction members notice Harry looking sick.
Harry: Ohhhh... (coughs)
Freddie: Can he stand?
Louis: Here, let's try.
Louis and Niall try to stand Harry up.
Harry moans sickly and sits back down.
Liam: Wow, he's really sick.
Gibby: Oh, no! This is horrible!
Gibby runs to the corner of the room and sobs.
Sam: How'd he get so sick so fast?
Harry: Ohhhh. I feel cold.
Carly and Sam turn their heads to each other.
Harry: (coughs) I'm thirsty. Will somebody hold me?
Zayn: Nope.
Niall: No, no.
Louis: No.
Gibby continues to sob.
Louis: (hands Carly's water bottle to Harry) Here. Have some more of this water.
Carly: Whoa. What?! (snatches the water bottle from Louis) (turns to Sam and Freddie) What?! (turns to Harry) What?! Harry, you drank from my water bottle?
Harry: Yeah.
Carly: Oh, my God. (turns to Sam and Freddie) I gave Harry Styles jungle worms!
Gibby: Nooooo!
Gibby runs up to Harry and puts his hand on his shoulder.
Harry coughs, and Gibby takes his hand off.
Gibby: Ahhh!!!! Gaaaahhhh!!! (sits at the corner, sobs) I'm so sad. I'm so sad. (sobs)
Harry continues to moan and cough.
***
Bushwell Plaza, Carly's room.
Carly: Is he better?
Doctor: I think so. Or, maybe not. How long has he been lying in here sick?
Carly: Almost a week.
Sam: I don't get it -- Carly had jungle worms -- She felt better after two days.
Doctor: Well, sickness is... Y'know, it's just... Other times... There it is.
Carly: Wow. Good to know.
Sam: We're so lucky to have a doctor right here in the building.
Doctor: Yes. Well, if I can be of any more help--
Carly: You helped nothing!
Doctor: You girls have a couple hundred bucks you can float me 'til the weekend?
Carly: Get out!
Sam: Leave!
The doctor leaves.
Sam: C'mon, we gotta roll.
Carly: 'Kay.
Carly walks up to Harry, who was laying on her bed.
Carly: Oh, uh, Harry, you need anything before I go?
Harry: Oh, no.
As Carly was about to leave, Harry stops her and holds her hand.
Harry: Wait... Could I have some more fruits?
Carly: Fruit, sure.
As Carly was about to leave, Harry stops her and holds her hand.
Harry: And... And could you cut them into the little cubes, the way that you do?
Sam makes a confused face.
Carly: 'Course. I'll be right back with it.
As Carly was about to leave, Harry stops her and holds her hand.
Harry: And... Could you put warm socks on my feet?
Carly: Sure. I'll heat up a pair in the dryer.
Sam: What else ya want Carly to do for ya, wash your tour bus?
Carly: Sam...
The doctor walks in.
Doctor: How 'bout twenty bucks?
Carly: No!
Sam: Beat it, clown!
Carly and Sam scare the doctor away.
***
Shays' apartment, living room.
Spencer is eating a spaghetti taco while watching Bethany exercising on the Omni-Flex. Bethany is sweating and complaining.
Spencer: ...One and two and good, tell your mom to call me. And good, and pull and--
Bethany: I wanna stop!
Spencer: Why?!
Bethany: Cuz I've already been doin' this for forty-five seconds! Where's the dang fudge?!
Spencer: No more fudge!
Bethany: I hate you!
Bethany sits down and cries.
Spencer: Awww...
Spencer slurps a piece of his spaghetti from his spaghetti taco. He checks his PearPhone and gets up from the stool. He sits by Bethany.
Spencer: Awww, kid... Bethany... What's wrong? (puts hand on Bethany's shoulder and quickly moves his hand away) Wow, you're already sweating.
Bethany: No one likes me -- 'cuz I'm awkward.
Spencer: You're not awkward.
Bethany: I'm not?
Spencer: You just have a terrible, terrible personality. You're so mean. And look at your shirt... What is that stain?
Bethany: (looks at stain on shirt) Mucus.
Spencer: Okay, well some people don't wanna be friends with girls who have mucus all over them.
Bethany: I need a makeover.
Spencer: Well, uh, yeah. But you also need to be nicer to people. And snot less on yourself.
Bethany: I want a makeover!!!
Spencer: All right!!! ...And if Harry's not better by Friday, we'll have to cancel our shows in San Francisco. San Francisco! Mah town! Wooo! I've never been there. Well I feel awful. I don't know why he's not getting better. Oh Carly... Oh, sweet, innocent, stupid little Carly. Why am I stupid? Harry doesn't wanna get better -- 'cuz you make him breakfast in bed, and you warm his socks, and read him stories and brush his hair and, you know, you're not ugly. What do you think, hot pants? Well, if you were treating me like you've been treating Harry, I sure wouldn't wanna leave. You think Harry's faking? Not faking. I'm sure he was sick. I just think, now, he's havin' a good time at "Hotel Carlyfornia." You did not just say that. I said it and I'm proud of it. Oh. Uh. Okay, so what are we gonna do about this? Uh, I know what might motivate Harry to get outta bed and back on stage. You think I should work him over with the butter sock? Y'know, I really really don't. Did she say 'butter sock'? Is that a sock? Full of butter? Do you guys wanna hear my idea? Yes. Does it involve the butter sock? No! Look, I was just thinking... Harry might suddenly feel better if he thought he was gonna be replaced in One Direction. Whoa, wait -- replace harry? Not for real. We just make him think he's being replaced. Who with?
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