Kendall, James, Carlos, and Logan are walking along the corridor.
Logan: Bring on the merchandise!
James: Hope we get our own special fragrance like Jay-Z.
Kendall: I wanna play the Big Time Rush video game.
Carlos: And I wanna play with the BTR Zombie Attack Squad action figures!
They walked into a room. Griffin, CEO of RCT GlobalNet Sanyoid and two assistants are getting ready to present a presentation. Three items are covered and put on a table.
Griffin: Have a seat, fellas. 'Cause we're all excited to discover what BTR merchandise lies beneath this shiny cloth. Hit it, marketers.
Female marketer: Boys, our crack staff has spent the last year researching, developing, patenting, and testing the exact merchandise that will amaze our retail partners.
Male marketer: Are you ready for the Big Time Rush products that will be flying off the store shelves all over the world?
James: Bring it on!
All: (overlapping chatter)
Logan: So ready.
Gustavo: Bring it!
Female marketer: I present to you, the Big Time Rush toilet scrubbers.
She lifts the cover up. It revealed four toilet scrubbers with the faces of the BTR members glued on.
(Background SFX: Toilet flushing.)
Male marketer: Big Time Rush horse shampoo.
He lifts the cover up. It revealed a large jug of horse shampoo. The label reads "Big Time Horse Shampoo" and it had a picture of the boys next to a horse.
(Background SFX: Horse neighing.)
Female marketer: And the Big Time Rush Action Set.
She lifts the cover up. It revealed four dolls dressed to look like the members.
Kendall: The dolls aren't horrible.
Female marketer: That say all your favorite big time catchphrases. (presses button on Logan doll)
Logan doll: (high boyish voice) Let's get some hockey balls and play a hockey game!
The boys get shocked.
Female marketer presses button on the Kendall doll.
Kendall doll: (raspy, cartoonish voice) I made boom-boom. Better change me!
The boys get angry.
Griffin: I love it! What else do they say?
The marketers press all dolls' buttons at the same time.
The dolls all sing the "ah-ah-ah-oh-ohh" part of the Big Time Rush theme song in high-pitched voices.
***
Opening Credits
***
Rocque Records boardroom.
Griffin applauds.
Griffin: Excellent work, you two. You're really thinking outside the box.
James: Is there any way you could put them back inside the box?
Gustavo: Yeah, because when I think of Big Time Rush, I think of, (yells) NOT HORSE SHAMPOO!!!
Griffin: These products are unique and different, which is exactly the kind of merchandise Sam Selmart loves.
Logan: Sam Selmart? As in Selmart stores?
Griffin takes out a remote. He presses a button.
The screen showed a commercial for Selmart stores.
Commercial.
Sam Selmart is seen standing outside a Selmart store.
Sam: Howdy friends. Sam Selmart for Selmart stores. Looky here. This week you can save on home electronics (points to on-screen graphics: picture of stereos and picture of a flat-screen TV), puppet gum (points to on-screen graphic: picture of puppet), and a Springmatic turbo-adjustable bed.
Cut to footage of a hospital bed with the adjustable bed piece leaning up and down.
Sam: Now let me tell you something folks, with a thousand settings, this thing will get you out of bed quicker than a rattlesnake in a sleeping bag.
Cut to Sam standing behind a white background with the Selmart logo.
Sam: Selmart, over 9,000 stores where you can (reads slogan below Selmart logo) shop for more, for less, for more.
Commercial ends.
Griffin: That's the one.
Carlos: Griffin, don't we think that these products are...
Logan: Highly embarrassing?
Kendall: And I don't say, "I made boom-boom".
Marketers: You just did.
Griffin: This is not about what you like, this is about what Sam Selmart likes. Which is why our marketing team is going to pitch these items to him at 5 o'clock today at his annual West Coast product search.
Female marketer: Keep the prototypes. (throws the dolls in each of the members' hands) Play with the dolls. Wash a horse.
Male marketer: I think you'll like these products as much as we do.
The boys, Gustavo, and Kelly all get up from their seats angrily.
Griffin: And, I don't wanna hear any complaining, or yelling.
***
Recording studio.
The boys all silently fight while in the sound booth.
Kelly: (into the microphone) Okay, Griffin's gone.
The boys walk out of the sound booth. Gustavo walks in.
James: Gustavo, if these (holds up toilet scrubbers) end up on Selmart's shelves, we will be a laughingstock.
Gustavo: Yeah, I know.
Logan: I hate being laughed at. Like that one time in the third grade when these kids pantsed me in the cafeteria.
James, Carlos, Kendall: We said we were sorry.
Carlos shows the dolls to Gustavo.
Carlos: And do these guys even look like a robot zombie attack squad?
Carlos presses the button on the Kendall doll.
Kendall doll: Kendall's gotta go potty!
Kendall snatches the doll from Carlos.
Kendall: (yells at doll) I do not say that!
Kelly: I have to agree with the guys on this one, these products are total boom-boom.
Gustavo: Which is why, (snatches the toilet scrubbers from James) we are taking over this pitch meeting and presenting our own big-time merchandise.
Gustavo throws the toilet scrubbers in the trash can.
Kendall: Right. Me, you, Kelly, and Carlos will stay here and record new cool catchphrases for our dolls, that aren't.
Kendall presses the button on the Carlos doll.
Carlos doll: (high cartoonish voice) Yo-yo, let's get a hang down low on the snip-snap!
Logan: Yeah, James and I will head up our own research and development.
James: And create a big-time product that Sam Selmart and the whole world will want.
Carlos: All right, guys! Let's get a hang down low on the snip-snap!
Kendall: Stop it!
***
Palm Woods hotel, lobby.
Mr. Bitters, the hotel's manager stands behind his desk as a group of kids in karate gear pass by.
Mr. Bitters: Here come our future karate champs! Go team!
One of the students karate chops a sign in half.
Mr. Bitters: NO KARATE IN THE LOBBY!
Katie walks up to the front desk.
Katie: Hey. I need a new Palm Woods robe for my mom. I got a stain on it.
Mr. Bitters: (mockingly) The amazing Katie Knight can't get a stain out?
***
Flashback.
Knights' hotel room.
Katie is using a brush to scrub a stain off the robe.
Katie: Mom will never know. Come on, little stain. Come on, little stain!
Katie's bottom accidentally hits the garbage disposal button.
The garbage disposal turns on.
Katie: Whoa!
Katie tries to take the robe out of the garbage disposal, but it is stuck. The robe was getting torn to shreds.
(SFX: Burping.)
Flashback ends.
***
Katie: No.
Mr. Bitters: Replacement robes are available at the Palm Woods store.
Katie: What Palm Woods store?
Mr. Bitters puts a cash register and a sign reading "Open" on the desk. He then brings out a robe.
Mr. Bitters: Welcome to the Palm Woods store. One replacement robe, 45 bucks.
Katie: 45 bucks?!
Mr. Bitters: It has microfibers.
Katie takes out her wallet.
***
Knights' hotel room.
James and Logan walk inside.
James: Okay, we need to combine our strengths to create the perfect Selmart merchandising product.
Logan: Mine are high IQ, adorable dimples, and chemistry. And yours are?
James: Girls, girls, hair, and girls. So, with your chemistry genius and my knowledge of girls, we can create a totally awesome--
Logan: Chemistry girl?
James: Perfume. Bieber's got one, Usher's got one, and we smell way better than them.
Logan: Okay, I'll set up a mini lab while you gather up all of our favorite odors to combine into BTR's signature scent.
James: (breathy) "Smellevate".
Logan: Which we'll name later.
James and Logan run away.
James: (offscreen) Smellevate is a great name!
***
Recording studio.
The dolls are plugged in the soundboard. Kendall and Carlos are in the sound booth.
Gustavo: Dogs, I passed your dolls' voice chips into the board, so that we can record new, cooler big time catchphrases.
Kendall and Carlos give Gustavo a thumbs-up.
Gustavo: Okay, Carlos is up first. Action!
Carlos: The robot zombies are attacking! Quick, target their reactor hearts! Pew, pew, pew! Pew, pew, pew--
Gustavo: Cut! What are you doing?
Carlos: I believe it's the Big Time Rush Action Set defeating the evil robot zombies.
Kendall: We don't say that.
Carlos: Well, we would, if we were being attacked by evil robot zombies.
Gustavo: Okay, Kendall, you're up next. Action!
Kendall: I'm Kendall. Be cool, everybody.
Carlos: "Be cool"? (mocks Kendall) "Hey, I'm Kendall. Be cool, everybody".
Kendall: It's a lot better than "pew, pew, pew".
Carlos: Are you kidding?! "Be cool" is stupid!
Kendall: Yeah, well, you're stupid!
Kendall and Carlos argue.
Carlos: No, your voice is stupid.
Kendall: No, you're stupid!
Gustavo gets up from his chair.
Gustavo: SHUT IT! SHUT IT FOREVER!!
Kendall and Carlos continue to argue.
Gustavo walks in the sound booth.
Gustavo yells at Kendall and Carlos while in the sound booth.
Kelly makes her way in.
Kelly yells at Gustavo, Kendall, and Carlos while in the sound booth.
Gustavo walks out.
Gustavo: Okay, let's try that again.
Kendall and Carlos hold their headphones.
***
Palm Woods hotel, lobby.
One of the karate students kicks a wooden board in half.
Mr. Bitters: I SAID NO KARATE IN THE LOBBY!
The karate students run away, screaming.
Katie walks up, holding her robe.
Mr. Bitters: What now?
Katie: A new robe. The one you sold me doesn't have a belt.
Mr. Bitters puts a cash register and a sign reading "Open" on the desk.
Mr. Bitters: Sorry, no refunds, returns, or exchanges. Palm Woods store policy. (smiles)
Katie: What? You sold me a defective item.
Mr. Bitters: If you have a complaint, call Customer Service. (hands Katie a sticky note with a phone number)
Katie: Oh, I'm calling.
Katie dials the number on her phone and calls it.
Mr. Bitters' phone rings. He picks it up.
Mr. Bitters: Palm Woods store Customer Service. This is Reginald. How may I help you?
Katie hangs up her phone, angrily.
Katie: This isn't over!
***
Knights' hotel room.
James and Logan had set up a chemistry lab.
James: Okay, some crushed pine needles to remind us of our Minnesota roots.
James drops crushed pine needles into the beaker.
Logan: A pinch of powder of a hockey puck, to evoke our favorite sport.
Logan drops hockey puck powder into the beaker.
James takes out a juice box.
James: A splash of our favorite juice.
James and Logan: Juice Box Juice!
James and Logan pour the juice inside the beaker.
James: Okay, anything else?
James and Logan take a sniff inside the beaker.
Logan: Perhaps some spice to capture BTR's zest for life.
James: Perfect.
Logan: Okay. Now hurry up. The Selmart pitch is in 45 minutes and I still have to make a fancy box.
James: Okay.
James walks around, searching for something.
James: Spice. Spice, spicy spice...
James opens a drawer and digs into the spices inside.
James: Spicy spice. Where are you, spicy spice?
James puts a salt on the countertop while he continues to dig into the spice drawer.
James: No. Unh-unh. No. Unh-unh.
***
Recording studio.
Kendall and Carlos are recording in the sound booth.
Gustavo: Okay, two more super cool Big Time Rush catchphrases. And, a-go.
Kendall: Gotta live it big-time!
Carlos: Helmets rule!
Gustavo: Perfect! Now to drag the voice files onto the dolls' voice chips.
Gustavo drags files on a computer to an icon with the dolls on it.
Kendall and Carlos walk out of the sound booth.
Gustavo: And we are ready for our Selmart pitch.
Kelly: Are you sure you did that right?
Gustavo: I'm sure we don't have time to talk about it!
Logan and James walk in.
Logan: But do you have time to experience...
James: The one scent that is bold enough to be called...
James shows Gustavo a tray with a perfume bottle and a box reading "Smellevate".
James: (breathy) Smellevate.
Gustavo: Uh, no, because we need to come up with a plan to get rid of Griffin's marketing team so that we can take over that pitch meeting with Sam Selmart.
Kendall, James, Carlos, Logan: On it!
The boys emerge wearing tree hats.
Gustavo: No tree hats!
Kendall: Um, tree hats have solved a lot of problems.
James: And, they're awesome.
Logan: Yeah, do you have a better idea? Huh?
Gustavo: Well, there's... uh.. uhh....umm...
As Gustavo continues to stammer, Kelly picks up a phone and makes a call.
Kelly: (Southern accent) Hello, Griffin's marketing team? Yes, this is Selmart West Coast Headquarters. We're gonna need to cancel that merchandising meeting that you've had today. Mr. Selmart's feeling ill.
Kelly hangs up the phone.
Kendall, James, Carlos, Logan: Nice!
Gustavo: Let's go!
Kendall, James, Carlos, Logan, Gustavo, and Kelly run away and leave.
***
Selmart West Coast Headquarters.
Gustavo, Kelly, Kendall, James, Carlos, and Logan arrive wearing business uniforms carrying a table with three items under a cover.
Sam Selmart and his assistant look at the items.
Sam: (Southern accent) Who in the name of candied yams are you?
Kendall: We are the Big Time marketing team of Kendall, James, Carlos, Logan, Gustavo, and Kelly.
Sam: Do me the names. I'mma call y'all "Clem". Whatcha got, Clem?
Gustavo: Sir, I'm sure you'll agree, the items under this fancy, shiny--
Sam: Stop right there, Big Clem. You see them boxes behind you? They are empty. I wanna fill 'em with merchandise, get 'em to my stores and make me some money. Now quit ticking my side parts and pitch me.
Kendall: Right. The first item you're going to see is a classic. The Big Time Action Set.
Kendall lifts the cover up. It revealed four dolls dressed to look like the members.
Carlos: Which include some of your favorite big time catchphrases.
Carlos presses the button on the Kendall doll.
Kendall doll: (Kendall's voice) You're stupid.
Sam is shocked.
Kendall: You're stupid.
Sam: Them dolls just sass me?
Gustavo: Uh, no. What the doll is supposed to say is, uh...
Gustavo presses the button on the Carlos doll.
Carlos doll: (Gustavo's voice) SHUT IT! SHUT IT FOREVER!!
Kelly pushes the dolls off the table.
Kelly: And now, here is James and Logan to show you the next product you are sure to love.
Logan: We would like you to be the first to experience BTR's new fragrance.
James lifts the cover up. It revealed a fragrance bottle.
James: A spicy contemporary scent that says you want to live it big time.
James takes the cap off the bottle.
James: Smellevate.
James spritzes the fragrance on Sam's face.
Sam feels a burning sensation in his eyes. He covers them and screams in pain.
Sam: Ow! Oh, my seein' eyes! Oh, I'm temporary blind!!! Ow, it burns!
Kendall and Carlos: What did you put in there?!
James: Logan said to make it spicy!
Logan: I said to add spice, like cinnamon or nutmeg!
Sam: Oh, it burns!
James shows Logan a bottle of habanero sauce.
James: So, no to the habanero hot sauce?
Sam: OH, IT BURNS!!!
A blinded Sam runs into a hanging Selmart sign.
Kendall, James, Carlos, Logan: Sorry! Just blink. Walk it off.
Sam falls to the ground.
***
TV news report.
Francesca Kim: And in our big story today, mega retailer Sam Selmart was injured in a merchandise meeting gone horribly awry. While being airlifted to the hospital, Selmart said, "A blind salesman is like a donkey with a hangnail. You can lead him to the barn, but he'll still call you Susan.". And--
Rocque Records office.
Griffin switches off the TV.
Kendall: Griffin, before you say anything... we can fix this.
Griffin: Let me guess, it involves a crank phone call, breaking and entering, and tree hats.
The boys are wearing tree hats and holding crowbars.
James: We weren't actually gonna break anything.
Logan: Nope.
The boys take off their tree hats and throw them and the crowbars off to the side.
Griffin: Tree hats don't work in the high-stakes business world. What might work is the personal apology you're going to give to Sam Selmart today.
Pause.
Carlos holds the dolls and shakes them.
Carlos: (high-pitched voice) Yeah, guys. Let's go apologize. We should go say sorry to Sam! Okay, maybe we should just stop talking, because--
Carlos puts the dolls down.
Griffin: And after you apologize, I'll be there. To personally pitch the products Sam was supposed to see yesterday at 5. The toilet brushes, the horse shampoo, and the dolls, that do not tell Selmart to "shut it, shut it forever".
James: Griffin, if people see these products, they'll laugh at us.
Logan: I hate when people laugh at me. Like that one time at summer camp when those guys put a sign on my back that said "fart on me".
James, Carlos, Kendall: We said we were sorry.
Griffin: And now you're going to say sorry to Sam Selmart, and pitch these products. What do your dolls have to say now?
The boys hold the dolls and shake them.
Logan: (high-pitched voice) Let's go tell Sam we're sorry!
James: (high-pitched voice) Whatever Griffin says.
Carlos: (high-pitched voice) Yeah, great plan, boss!
Kendall: (high-pitched voice) Away we go!
The boys pretend the dolls are walking.
***
Palm Woods hotel, lobby.
One of the karate students is anticipating to chop a table in half.
Karate students: (chanting) Break it, break it....
Mr. Bitters closes a door and notices the karate students.
The karate students look in shock.
Mr. Bitters: I said no karate in the lobby!
Mr. Bitters walks to his desk.
Mr. Bitters: How can I--
Katie: I want my belt. I bought a robe, robes come with belts. I want my belt. So just reach down there, open up another robe, and give me the belt.
Mr. Bitters: If I did that, then I'd have a robe with no belt, which I can't sell, and I'd be out $45. And personally, I'd prefer if you were out $45.
Katie: Haven't you ever heard the expression, "the customer's always right"?
Mr. Bitters: I don't listen to hip-hop. If you got a problem, call Customer Service.
Mr. Bitters tries to leave, but Katie stops him.
Katie: Don't...move.
Katie dials a number on her phone. She answers it.
The front desk phone rings.
Mr. Bitters stands there. The phone continues to ring.
Katie: Pick up the phone.
Mr. Bitters stands there.
Katie: Pick up the phone.
Mr. Bitters continues to stand there, and the phone stops ringing.
A beep is heard.
Mr. Bitters: (on phone) You've reached the Palm Woods store Customer Service line. We're experiencing high call volume. Your current wait time is, loooooooonng.
Mr. Bitters: (humming hold music) Ba, ba-da, ba, ba, ba-da-da-da. Ba, ba-da, ba, ba...
Katie hangs up the phone and leaves.
***
Selmart West Coast Headquarters.
Gustavo, Kelly, Kendall, James, Carlos, and Logan arrive while carrying a table with three items under a cover.
An injured Sam Selmart is seen on a hospital bed. He and his assistant, dressed as a nurse, look at the items.
Sam: (tips his hat) Howdy, Arthur.
Griffin: Sam.
Sam: Hey, boys. Blind anyone lately?
Kendall: We are so sorry.
James: We apologize. We didn't mean to blind you.
Carlos: We're sorry.
Logan: Sorry.
Sam: "Sorry" doesn't trim the whiskers on the Admiral's beard, does it? But I will forgive you IF you pitch me some merchandise I can sell in my stores and make money with.
Griffin: Sam, my research and development team at RCM CBT GlobalNet Sanyoid has some exciting big time merchandise that's gonna fly off your shelves.
Sam: Well, I sure hope they're better products than what that last jackalope done tried to pitch me. Katy Perry horse shampoo and toilet scrubbers with One Direction's face on them. Why in the world would I wanna scrub my john with Liam?
The boys, Griffin, Gustavo, and Kelly give disgusted looks.
Carlos and Logan push the two other covers with the toilet scrubbers and the horse shampoo off of the table.
Griffin: Which is why you're going to love the all-new and improved Big Time Rush Action Set.
Griffin lifts the cover up. It revealed the dolls from before.
Sam: Ooh.
Griffin presses the button on the Kendall doll.
Kendall doll: (raspy, cartoonish voice) I made boom-boom. Better change me!
The boys, Griffin, Gustavo, and Kelly laugh sarcastically.
Sam: Boom-boom? That ain't the kind of action I want. I want kung-fu grip and superpower.
Griffin: Uh...
The boys, Griffin, Gustavo, and Kelly are thinking of what to say.
Carlos: Ooh! These dolls, they fight zombie robots.
Kendall: Yeah, and they go "pew, pew".
Sam: Pew-pew? I like me some "pew-pew". What else they do?
James: They fly, they fly!
The boys pretend the dolls are flying.
Sam: I love me some flying. How do they fly?!
Griffin: Uh, like this!
Griffin throws the James doll and it hits the eject button on Sam's hospital bed.
Sam is ejected from the bed. He screams and is sent flying through the stack of Selmart boxes.
Carlos holds up his doll and shakes it.
Carlos: (high-pitched voice) Well, he said he loved flying.
***
Palm Woods lobby.
Katie is wearing an all-black outfit as she is getting ready to do some undercover work.
Katie: No refunds and no returns? No way.
Katie tumbles to spy on Mr. Bitters.
Mr. Bitters is ratting the karate students out of the lobby. The kids are screaming.
Mr. Bitters: I SAID NO KARATE IN THE LOBBY!
Katie: If he doesn't wanna give me the belt, I'll just take it myself.
Katie goes behind Mr. Bitters' desk and looks down to find a cabinet labeled "The Palm Woods Store". She opens the cabinet and finds a bag with a karate robe and a belt.
Katie: Bingo.
Katie gets up and holds the bag.
Mr. Bitters is by the desk pushing a button on his cash register.
Mr. Bitters: Welcome to the Palm Woods store. One robe would be... $45.
Katie puts down the bag with the robe.
Katie: I don't have $45.
Mr. Bitters takes the robe away.
Mr. Bitters: Well then, you don't have a robe.
Katie: I will haunt you until I get my belt. From the moment you open this stupid Palm Woods store until the minute you close, I will be there. I gave you $45, and I will get my money's worth.
Mr. Bitters: (sarcastically) I'm so scared. (laughs)
Mr. Bitters walks away and turns, only to notice Katie staring at him.
***
Recording studio.
The boys, Kelly, and Gustavo all watch Griffin go crazy in the sound booth.
Carlos: How long has he been in there?
Kelly: About an hour and 23 minutes.
Griffin continues to flip out.
Kelly: I think he's almost finished though.
James: And, we're finished, because Selmart stopped selling Big Time Rush's music in his stores.
Gustavo: (sobbing) Which accounts for 50% of our album sales!
Logan: Actually, 72%.
Gustavo yelps.
Griffin walks out of the sound booth.
Griffin: It's over. I pitched horrible product ideas, launched the world's richest CEO over our heads, and killed your music career in less than three minutes.
Kendall: Griffin, we can fix this.
Griffin: How? We're banned from Selmart's West Coast Headquarters and blocked from all his phone lines!
The boys hatch a plan.
Selmart West Coast Headquarters.
The gang is hiding beneath a bush wearing tree hats.
Griffin: You sure this is going to work?
The boys, Gustavo and Kelly all emerge out. They are also wearing tree hats.
Boys, Gustavo, Kelly: Definitely, probably not.
The gang sneaks away.
***
Palm Woods hotel.
Pool area.
Mr. Bitters is taking towels out to a cabana. He opens the curtain to find Katie hauntingly staring at him while she holds up the robe.
Mr. Bitters drops the towels.
Lobby.
Mr. Bitters walks to the elevator. He presses the elevator button.
He is met by Katie again.
Mr. Bitters lets out a frightened yelp.
Mr. Bitters walks to the vending machine.
He is met by Katie again.
Mr. Bitters lets out a frightened yelp and runs away.
Mr. Bitters runs to his desk and sees Katie on his computer desktop.
He turns and sees Katie again.
Mr. Bitters: Fine! You want a belt? I'll get you a belt.
Mr. Bitters takes out a box labeled "Lost & Found". He takes out a black tie.
Mr. Bitters: Here! Here's your belt.
Katie: That's a tie from the lost-and-found.
Mr. Bitters: No! It's a belt!
Mr. Bitters puts on the robe and ties the tie around it.
Mr. Bitters: And it's not only stylish, it's fashionable!
Mr. Bitters walks out.
Mr. Bitters: And it's sturdy, and it can be used to hold the robe together!
The karate kids and the sensei walk to look at Mr. Bitters.
Mr. Bitters: You think you could beat me in a fight? Well, bring it on!
Katie: (to the kids) You heard him, guys. Karate in the lobby!
Mr. Bitters: No! No, no, no!
The karate kids run and hit and beat up Mr. Bitters.
Sensei: They all did great today. They all got promoted from the white belts.
Katie: (looks at the belts) Can I have one of those?
Sensei: You can have them all.
The sensei hands the belts to Katie.
Sensei: No, Billy. The solar plexus. A little higher.
The kids continue to beat up Mr. Bitters.
***
Selmart West Coast Headquarters.
The boys, Griffin, Gustavo, and Kelly emerge from the bushes wearing tree hats.
Griffin: Okay. So, say we get into the building. Then what?
The gang crouches down.
Kendall: We do what we do best. Sing.
Carlos: We show off our voices.
James: And not toilet scrubbers.
Logan: He sees we're a great band, and put our music back on the shelves.
Gustavo: And we go back to the way it was.
Kelly: Forget about this whole merchandise thing.
Griffin: I see two flaws with your plan.
Kendall, James, Carlos, Logan: What?
Griffin: (points) Them.
Two police officers walk by.
Police officer: Don't any of you guys move.
James and Logan turn to each other.
James and Logan: We got this.
James and Logan jump out, spraying the Smellevate perfume in the police officers' faces.
James and Logan: SMELLEVATE!!!
The officers fall down.
The gang runs away.
The gang runs inside the headquarters.
Alarms go off.
Griffin: Is this going well?
Boys, Gustavo, Kelly: It's about average.
The gang runs into Sam Selmart's office.
Sam is seen sitting on a chair, with a brace on his body and two broken arms. On the ends of his desk are pineapples and two cannons.
Sam: Well, glad you're back, boys. Gives me a chance to test the best product I've seen so far. The XR4-17 pineapple cannon. These bad boys can knock a billy goat off a farm roof and make fruit salad at the same time.
Sam laughs maniacally as he gets ready to press the launch button.
Griffin: Looks like your tree hats couldn't save us after all.
Sam: Yeah, oh-oh-oh-oh-oh. Rope it in there, junior. What in the name of all things moist and meaty is on your head?
Boys, Gustavo, Kelly: Tree hats?
Sam: Tree hats? What are they?
Carlos: Uh, uh, uh... They help you. With things.
Sam: Stylish, biodegradable, keeps you cool in the summer, warm in the winter? I love 'em! I'm gonna call 'em... tree hats! (opens his eyes wide, squints in pain) Ah!
Logan: Okay, wait, let me get this straight, you wanna buy these?
Sam: I want 200,000 of them, son. I'm gonna put them in my boxes and sell 'em all over the world. (opens eyes wide) Moonnney-- (squints in pain) Ow.
James: But we thought you hated us.
Sam: Pretty Clem, lemme tell you a story. A feller once stabbed me in the foot with a pen knife, darn her took off my whole big toe. You wanna know what I done? I bought every knife that fella had and made me rich as Midas. Whaddaya say, son? We got a deal?
Kendall: And you'll keep selling Big Time Rush's music?
Sam: Does an aardvark fart in a park on Tuesday?
Boys, Griffin, Gustavo, Kelly: Uh.... sure.
Gustavo: Don't know what that means.
Sam: Yes, I'll keep sellin' your "music".
The gang cheers.
The gang throws their tree hats on Sam's desk.
***
Rocque Records office.
Female marketer: Boys, we have to say we completely underestimated your merchandising and marketing genius.
Male marketer: The tree hats are making Sam Selmart very happy.
Griffin: And making me lots of money.
Gustavo: In fact, Sam is so impressed with you guys, he's going to be investing in some of your other product ideas.
Kendall, James, Carlos, Logan: What other product ideas?
Female marketer takes out a remote. She presses a button.
The screen showed a commercial for Selmart stores.
Commercial.
An injured Sam Selmart is seen standing outside a Selmart store.
Sam: Howdy friends. Ah. Sam Selmart here with this week's specials. Come on down to Selmart and get yourself a Big Time Tree Hat. (on-screen graphic: tree hat) For only, ah. $24.99. And while you're here, why not get yourself a Big Time Rush Robot Zombie Action Set.
Cut to footage of dolls dressed to look like the Big Time Rush boys wearing battle gear flying.
Sam: Oh. Pew, pew. And they fly! (on-screen graphic: dolls flying away.) (on-screen graphic: picture of a woman wearing a tree hat gardening pops up) And for you weekend gardeners, ain't nothin' keeps pests and bugs away like Smellevate.
Cut to picture of pesticide with a label reading "Smellevate Maxxx Weed & Bug Killer".
Sam: Proven, tested, and effective, on me.
Cut to Sam standing behind a white background with the Selmart logo.
Sam: Selmart, where you can (reads slogan below Selmart logo) shop for more, for less, (widens eyes) for more! (squints in pain) Ah!
Commercial ends.
Big Time Rush © to Scott Fellows, Jack Mackie Pictures, Sony Music, Nickelodeon. This blog does not claim ownership of the reproduced transcripts provided on this blog.
