Zack: Cody. Just the person I wanted to see. I met this annoying girl in the teen lounge last night. She's a boring mousy little geek.
Cody: So?
Zack: So.... (hands a paper to Cody) ...I got her number for you.
Cody looks at the paper.
Cody: Why can't you understand that I'm just happy being alone? (yells) Can't you see how happy I am?
Zack: (cleans his eye) Yes, I think you just spit some of your joy in my eye.
Zack and Cody's old friend Arwin calls them from their computer.
Arwin: Hey, guys.
Cody: Hey look, it's Arwin.
Zack: Arwin, hey, what's up?
Arwin: Well, actually, me. I'm on Mr. Tipton's helicopter. I'm coming to visit you guys.
Cody: Awesome. When are you coming on board?
Arwin: Now!
Zack: What? We're in the middle of the ocean.
Arwin: Never fear. I'm using a new device I invented for Mr. Tipton. It can safely eject you anywhere-- You know, for tax evasion purposes. I'm basically in a giant rubber ball.
Cody: Arwin, that sounds kind of risky.
Arwin: Oh, it's time to go. Okay, here we go. Five, four, three, two, one! (makes a squinting face)
Cut to computer screen. Arwin hits the screen as the red ball that he was in bounced around.
The guests onboard scream in fear.
Cut to ball bouncing off the ship's deck into the ocean.
Cut back to computer screen. SFX: [a loud splash]
Cut back to juice bar.
Cody: Arwin, are you okay?
Arwin: Sure. This thing's totally waterproof.
SFX: [loud "pop"] Water splashes into Arwin's face.
Arwin: Mommy!.
***
Opening Credits
***
Main lobby. Zack and Cody are helping untie Arwin from seaweed.
Mr. Moseby: Arwin. Always happy to see you. But here's a thought-- maybe next time you should just walk up the old gangplank.
Arwin: Are you kidding? Those things are death traps.
Mr. Moseby: Oh.
Zack: Arwin, so great to see you.
Arwin: Hey, guys. (hugs Zack and Cody) Your mom shows me pictures of you all the time, But you can't hug a picture. Well, you can, but the paper cuts are nasty.
London excitedly comes up to Arwin.
London: Oh, Arwin!
Arwin: London!
London: Yay! (hugs Arwin, but backs away in disgust) Eww!
Arwin: Sorry.
London: You're here to rescue me from the stupid sea school! So long, suckers. Let's go, let's go. (pushes Arwin, but he wouldn't budge)
Arwin: Actually, I'm not here to rescue you.
London: Rats.
Zack: So, Arwin, what brings you here besides, you know, a giant bouncy ball?
Arwin: Well, Mr. Tipton has given me a very important job.
Arwin takes out a towel, and puts it around his shoulder. While doing it, he hits Mr. Moseby in the eye.
Mr. Moseby: Agh!
Arwin: I have created a super computer that's going to automate the entire ship. So now the "S.S." in "S.S. Tipton" is going to stand for "Smart Ship."
Zack: Wow.
Cody: Awesome.
Mr. Moseby: Uh-oh.
Arwin: I'm gonna name it "Cal".
Cody: That must stand for "Computer-Automated Logistics".
Arwin: Nah, I just like the name. Oh! Now if you'll excuse me, I have a fiddler crab in my underpants. And he's fiddlin'.
Arwin walks away, shuffling.
***
Setting: S.S. Tipton. Juice Bar.
London and Woody walk up to Zack.
London: Zack, we're in trouble. We need your help.
Zack: Okay, step one, deny everything. Step two, if they don't believe step one, blame your twin.
Woody: No, we need you to tutor us.
Zack: Wow, you guys must be really desperate.
Woody: Not that kind of tutoring. We're both failing gym.
London: You think my shopping spree in Paris would count. I gave my credit card quite the workout.
Woody: And coach told me I don't get credit for crying and rocking back and forth while being pelted with dodgeballs.
London: Apparently we could still pass this if we take some kind of health and fitness test.
Woody: We're only lacking two things. Health...
London: And fitness.
Zack looks at them, confused.
***
Setting: Computer room.
Cody watches Arwin as they fix up the supercomputer system.
Cody: I'm telling you, it's all Bailey's fault. But somehow I'm the jerk for planning the perfect anniversary while she cavorts with some French guy.
Arwin: Oh, women. Too bad they don't come with clear instructions, like these. (rolls out a very long paper)
Cody: What am I gonna do, Arwin? I'll never find another girl who I can relate to on an emotional and intellectual level the way I did with Bailey.
Arwin: Well, time heals all wounds, Cody. As the same thing with your mom. But eventually I saw that there was no hope for us, and I moved on.
Cody: You did?
Arwin: No! I still love your mommy! (sobs)
Cody: Maybe we should just focus on Cal.
Arwin: That's a good idea, yes.
Cody and Arwin walk up to the computer monitor.
Arwin: Okay, so, this system, controls everything from the engines to the toilet. Oh, by the way, if you have any flushing issues, (walks up to a wall with a toilet knob) just jiggle this knob right here.
Cody: I'll let Woody know. If he ever flushes.
Arwin: Okay. Let me introduce you to... (types on a computer, then sings operatically as the supercomputer powers on) Cal!
Callie: (automated voice) Operating systems are online.
Cody: I think Cal might be a girl.
Arwin: Well, um... (plugs in a red wire and webcam to the computer monitor) a little adjustment here, and, Ca-Callie.
***
Setting: S.S. Tipton, gym.
Zack is getting ready to tutor Woody and London.
Zack: All right, ready to work out?
London: I thought the walk here was the workout.
Zack: If you guys plan on passing PE, you need to do some basic exercise. All right, so let's start with the treadmills.
Zack walks Woody and London to their respective treadmills.
Woody: (moans) This is hard.
Zack: You haven't even turned it on yet.
Woody: I meant standing up.
Zack turns on the treadmill.
Mr. Moseby walks up to Arwin, who is standing by a computer.
Mr. Moseby: Ah, so far I am very impressed with Callie. I mean the engines are running 20% more efficiently, the temperature of the pool changes based on the climate variant, and it says if the toilet knows you're done before you do.
Arwin: I'll tell you what, if you like that, you're gonna love this. (types on keyboard) See, Callie controls every system on this ship, including the gym equipment. Watch this. (clears throat) Callie, speed up treadmill two.
Callie: (automated voice) Speeding up treadmill.
Woody's treadmill speeds up.
Woody: Uh, what's happening?
Woody's treadmill speeds up even faster.
Woody: The floor's moving!
Woody's treadmill speeds up even more faster, before he falls over.
Woody: What was that crunching noise?
Mr. Moseby: My spine!
