School Of Rock - Should I Stay or Should I Go? Transcript

Classroom. Mr. Finn looks out the window on the door.

Tomika: It's been a while since that bell rang. Can we go yet?!

Mr. Finn: (shushing) Not yet. Signing up for Battle of the Bands is huge for us. We have to sneak out so we don't arouse suspicion. I'll go scoot the hall. 

Mr. Finn cartwheels out or the door into the hall. The hall was empty. He cartwheeled back inside the classroom.

Zack: Did you see anyone?

Mr. Finn: I don't know. It all happened so fast. And I was upside down a lot.

Tomika: Wait, this is just to sign up for the audition? Why do we all have to go?


Mr. Finn: Because we're a band. We do things together. Plus, my van breaks down and I need you guys to push. Okay, let's move out. Go, go, go, go, go, go, go!

Mr. Finn and the students leave the school.

***

Battle of the Bands.

Mr. Finn: Okay, everybody, stay calm. I'm kinda a big deal in the Austin music scene, so don't be surprised if I get mobbed.

Woman: Excuse me, are you Dewey Finn?

Mr. Finn: You know it. See, guys?

Woman: Security!

A security guard tackles Mr. Finn, making him fall on the floor.

***

Opening Credits

***

Battle of the Bands.


Club Worker: Who let this guy in? Dewey Finn is banned from this club.

Mr. Finn: What? Why?

Club Worker: Because last time you played here, you started a burrito riot.

Mr. Finn: Hey, I don't have control over the audience.

Club Worker: You sang a song called "Let's Start a Burrito Riot"!

Zack: I don't know how much competition there would be. These guys all look serious.

Lawrence: Yeah.

A man plays a riff on an electric guitar.

Lawrence: Not bad.

Guitar Player: Not bad? What's a little kid like, you know?

Zack: You're right. Can I borrow that?

Zack borrows the man's electric guitar and plays a riff. The player steals his guitar from Zack.


Lawrence: You destroyed that guy.

Zack: My parents always told me if I plan to do something, I should be the best. I do it if I'm not going to win.

Lawrence: My parents raised me to be happy if I come in third.

A man walks up to Zack.

Justin: Hey, I heard you riffing. I'm Justin from Night Lizard.

Zack: Zack, School of Rock.

Justin: Is that your leader?


Mr. Finn: Please, Vince, please!

Freddy: Sir, if you let him sign up, he'll pay you back for the damage he caused.

Mr. Finn takes out cash from his pocket.


Mr. Finn: Yeah, sure, how much do I owe you?

Vince: $42.000.

Mr. Finn: I don't have that.

Mr. Finn takes out a credit card.

Mr. Finn: But, this card is only two punches away from a free frozen yogurt.


Justin: You wouldn't have those kind of problems if you joined Night Lizard. The reason we've won two Battle of the Bands is because we treat our band like a business. If you don't perform, you're out. That reminds me. 

Justin looks directly at a man playing a guitar.

Justin: (angrily) You're out. 

The man plays an angry riff and leaves.

Justin: You're totally Lizard material, Zack, So, what do you say? You wanna join our band?

Zack: Like I said, I'm in School of Rock. Thanks anyway. 


Mr. Finn: It's...Let's...sit down and talk this out like mature adults.

Mr. Finn sits on a table and the table collapses.

Vince: And now, you owe me for the table!

Summer: Mr. Vince, I understand your frustration with Mr. Finn. He's irresponsible, he's selfish, he rarely showers.

Mr. Finn: Where are you going with this?

Summer: Trust me. But the band isn't just Mr. Finn. It's us kids. Do you want the press out here seeing how rough you treat orphans? 

All but Summer: You're orphans?

Summer: As far as the TV reporters know, (crying along with the rest of the School of Rock members) and when they see us, they'll throw you out of your club, and we'll be crying our eyes out about that mean man. (normal) And you, it might not be good for your business.

Tomika takes out a phone.

Tomika: I have Local News 5 on speed-dial. Oops, it's ringing.

Vince: Okay, you win. I'll let you audition. Just hang up!

Tomika hangs up the phone.

Vince: Man. 12-year-old girls play hardball. 

Tomika walks up close to Vince.

Tomika: You wouldn't last 5 seconds at one of our sleepovers.

***

Classroom.

Mr. Finn: All right, let's do this. One, two, th--

Summer puts tape on the floor..

Summer: I'm calculating the size of the stage at the club for the Battle of the Bands audition.

Freddy: Is that really necessary?.


Summer: No, but our audition song has no tambourine. Unless you want me to play tambourine.

All but Summer: No.



Mr. Finn: Alright, I called this emergency band meeting to figure out how to replace Zack. The answer is two words.

Tomika: Animatronic bear?

Mr. Finn: Yeah, how'd you guess?


Tomika: Because it's over there. And it's freaking me out!

Mr. Finn: I got him from Cheesy Chuck's. His name is "Kodiak Joe".

Kodiak Joe: (singing) Kodiak Joe, Kodiak Joe. Hi-dee ho, I'm Kodiak Joe. (talking) Hi, folks. I'm Kodiak Joe. Welcome to Cheesy Chuck's Pizza Emporium.

Mr. Finn: I almost forgot. His activation word is "Kodiak Joe".


Kodiak Joe: (singing) Kodiak Joe, Kodiak Joe. Hi-dee ho, I'm Kodiak Joe. (talking) Did you know you could get an extra-large for just a dollar more?

Mr. Finn: (inaudible)

Freddy: How'd you get Kodi--


Tomika: No! How'd you get the bear?

Mr. Finn: He was in the dumpster at Cheesy Chuck's.

Descendants Wicked World - "All Hail the New Q.N.L.B." Transcript

***

Opening Credits

***

In Mal and Evie's dorm room. Audrey is sitting on the bed brushing 100-ft blonde hair. Evie comes into the room with a makeup case.

Evie: Who's ready for party makeovers?!

Mal: I guess I am. (chuckles)

Audrey: Sure...

Freddie: I don't think I--

Evie: That's the attitude! I've concocted an amazing beauty mineral base. Who wants a "bacial"?

Mal and Audrey look at each other, unimpressed.

Evie: P.S., I made that up.

Mal: Whoa, never would've guessed that.

Audrey: Doesn't matter. I wasn't even chosen as a QNLB.

Mal: Is that a good thing? Cause, that acronym just doesn't sound good.

Audrey: It's "Queen of the Neon Lights Ball". Duhsies. (furiously) And I...did not...win! Ughh!

Evie: Uh, Freddie, did you just ask who did win?

Freddie: Uh, no.

Evie: It was me! I won! I'm the QNLB! Uh, Mal, did you just where I'm going to put the crown?

Mal: (scoffs)

Evie: I don't know where! I'm running out of room for all my crowns.

Audrey: (brushing the hair) Ugh!!! Ughhh!!!

Mal: Is that Ruby's hair? 

Audrey: No! It's the other girl with the 100-foot ponytail. It's stress-brushing. Stress-brushing helps me deal with losing.

Evie: Well, you better keep brushing cause I am on fire! (rapping) Carbon dioxide, water vapor, oxygen and nitrogen ignited up in here!

Audrey: Ughh!!

Evie: Okay, Freddie, for your makeover, I'm thinking a little less voodoo and a little more new-do.

Freddie: That's funny, cause for my makeover, I'm thinking a little-- (angrily) leave me exactly the way I am.

Evie: No probs. Audrey, for your makeover, I'm thinking about some apple red lipstick and some wicked Cheshire Cat eyes.

Audrey: The only makeover I'm interested in is the one where I made over from being the one who lost the crown to the one who won.

Evie: Oh, I forgot to bring that one. Sorry. Mal, for your makeover, I wanna see what you look like in purple.

Mal: Uh, I think we know the answer to that.

Evie: Oh, that's not purple, that's aubergine. 

Freddie: You know, I always thought of it as more of an eggplant.

Mal: Uh, what's happening here?

Audrey: I know, right? It's clearly more of an amethyst.

Jane barges into the room.


Jane: (distressed) Guys, my mascot uniform is gone!

Sonny with a Chance - Battle of the Networks' Stars Transcript

Gassie sketch.

Announcer: (singing) Some dogs beg, some dogs bark. This one saves the day... with farts!
(speaking) It's time for another adventure of Gassie The Toot'n Pooch.


Farmhouse. The farmer was calling somebody on his cellphone.

Farmer (Grady): Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Okay, sir. Bye now. (hangs up) (disappointed) Oh, no.

Gassie farts.

Farmer (Grady): Whoa, the mayor. He's coming over for dinner and he wants to eat beef stroganoff. I don't know how to make beef stroganoff!

Granny (Tawni): Well, don't look at me! I can't even pronounce "brif stroganoff".

Farmer (Grady): Well, what am I gonna do?

Gassie farts.

Farmer (Grady): Get one pound of top sirloin...

Gassie farts.

Farmer (Grady): Six tablespoons of butter.

Gassie farts.

Farmer (Grady): One-third cup of chopped scallions?

Gassie farts.

Farmer (Grady): But I can substitute onions.

Gassie farts.

Farmer (Grady): One-half pound of cremini mushrooms, salt and pepper to taste.

Gassie farts.

Farmer (Grady): Noodles? Well, what kind, Gassie?

Gassie farts.

Farmer (Grady): How wide is extra-wide, Gassie? Come on, hurry up, the mayor! He's on his way!

***

The mayor eats the beef stroganoff and passes it to Granny.

Mayor (Nico): Arlo, as mayor, I hereby declare this to be the best beef stroganoff this side of the town I'm the mayor of.

Granny (Tawni): Ohh!

Farmer (Grady): Thanks, Gassie. I couldn't have done it without ya.

Gassie farts.

Farmer (Grady): What's that Gassie? I don't understand.

Gassie farts.

Farmer (Grady): Well if it wasn't you then who wa-- (to Granny) Granny!

Granny (Tawni): Not me!

Mayor (Nico): No, that was me. Beef stroganoff makes me gassy.

Farmer and Granny (Grady and Tawni): (to Mayor) Mayor!

Announcer: This has been another adventure of Gassie the Wonder Dog.

***

Opening Credits

***

Condor Studio Cafe.

Sonny: Guys, I have a confession to make. I asked for a water cup and I filled it up with soda.

Sonny sits at a table with three people that look like Nico, Grady, and Tawni.

Sonny: And, you're not Nico, Grady, or Tawni. (laughs) I was kidding about the soda.

Sonny sits at another table with three other Nico, Grady, and Tawni look-alikes.

Sonny: Something's happening to me, and it's happening again. Oh, no! It's that dream where I end up on TV wearing nothing but a hat.

Nico and Grady walk into the cafe. Grady shakes hands with another Nico look-alike.

Grady: Hey, what is up, Nico, my man! My man! You were great in that Gassie sketch. Just funny!

Nico: I'm standing right next to you.

Grady: No, you're right over there sitting next to me! And there, and the... (gasps) (to Nico) Dude, this means our time machine has worked!

Nico: That wasn't a time machine, it was a clock! And you...

Grady: No!

Nico: And that's not me!

Grady: No!

Nico: And those aren't Sonny! And those aren't...

Tawni gasps, slaps a Grady look-alike's hand.

Tawni: Then who the heck are you?!

Nico: Now that's definitely Tawni.

Tawni runs up to Nico and Grady and they run up to Sonny.

Nico: What is going on in here?! Sonny, are we in your stupid hat dream?

Sonny: I have no idea what's going on.

Chad talks through a bullhorn.

Chad: Okay, first up will be Group 1, "So Random!"

Sonny: Chad, what is all this? I should've known you were behind it. Why are you dressed like a paperboy?

Chad: I'm casting a TV movie about my life, "Chad Dylan Cooper: The Chad Dylan Cooper Story", a Chad Dylan Cooper Production. I need lookalikes to play the losers from "So Random!" No offense. (through the bullhorn) Well-gone loser, you're up next.

Sonny: Wait, you're auditioning people to play us?

Nico: We got the actual losers right here!

Sonny: Hey, we're not losers.

Grady snatches the bullhorn from Chad and blows breath through it.

Grady: (imitating Darth Vader) I am your father.